Thursday, July 28, 2011

Bladder Infection...Yeast Infection....Oh my

So I am in fact infected. I have a bladder infection and what seems to be a yeast infection. It is painful and I am not sure why I am not on antibiotics. I went to a walk in clinic and the doctor scared the shit out of me. He said that it can impact my pregnancy but then just told me to follow up this weekend. Instead I have made a follow up appointment at my family doctor. I want to be treated especially if it can impact my pregnancy. Yep, here I am freaking out again. Why can't anything be easy!!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Stinging and Burning

My uterus and cervix have this new continual stinging and burning sensation. It feels like a bladder infection and it is freaking me out. I am trying not to google it but it is a really weird sensation. I would guess it was some sort of STD or Urinary tract infection but the stinging isn't as localized. It is a really weird feeling and it makes me worried that I am going to miscarry. What the heck is going on? Should I go to the hospital?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Is this morning sickness?

I feel like absolute poop! I can't drag my butt out of bed, I am dizzy and I feel extremely run down. I literally can't function. I went to a beautiful wedding last night and all I could do was sit and watch the festivities. I barely danced and I didn't get to socialize like I usually do. It will be all worth it if it is for the health of my babies (please let that be why I feel this way) but I am still worried it means something is going wrong. Especially because I had a tiny bit of blood yesterday. Seriously I mean a tiny bit (like you have to strain your eyes to see it). It happened twice over the past 24 hours but non the less it makes me nervous. I am not doing the normal Dr. Google thing I am just taking it easy and keeping my legs crossed. My ultimate fear is that it will turn into a full fledged bleed and I will have to admit myself to the psychiatric area of our local hospital.
Sorry that I haven't commented on blogs lately, I am literally too tired. I am thinking of everyone and I appreciate all of the kind posts. I will catch up on everyone very soon!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Looking Good!

So we had our ultra sound today and it was completely nerve wracking. I was literally shaking so hard on the table that the ultra sound tech had to hold my legs still. I was full of nervous energy and it was uncontrollable. It was literally the hottest day of the year today (it broke record highs) and I was shivering with my teeth chattering. The good news is that we were able to see two gestational sacs. I was super excited and some of the nerves went away. The nurse was also able to point out a yolk sac in Baby A but wasn't able to note Baby B's yet. She said she thought she saw it beginning to form but it wasn't clear enough to be sure. I am over the moon and hoping and praying that both embabies stay where they are and continue growing and thriving. They are both measuring at 5 weeks and I love them already. Please, please, please let this really be happening. Now I have to wait 2 more weeks (yes, another 2ww) for my 7 week ultra sound where we will (please god) see the heart beats! I want this so badly I can't think straight. I am literally not functioning, all I do is think, eat, and sleep baby thoughts.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

To tell or not to tell

So, I am, as usual, struggling with this wait. I really can't complain because we are going for our ultrasound way sooner than anticipated but the wait is painful all the same. I have been feeling great, which makes me worried. I no longer have the headache that has been a constant since 5dp3dt. I no longer have an upset tummy and I certainly don't have sore tatas. Today I was busy cleaning the house (my cousin is coming to stay) and I didn't even need a nap after all of the scrubbing, mopping and vacuuming. I am not even peeing a lot! It makes me wonder what is going on inside of me. I know if I have the pleasure of morning sickness I will wish it all back but for now it would be comforting. Yesterday I poas and I freaked out! At first there was only one line and it was such a shock because even at 9dp3dt the two lines came up immediately. So I waited for 3 minutes and then I saw a very faint, and I mean faint, second line. This obviously still freaked me out but then I realized the faint line was the control line (I called the 1800 number to make sure). Actually hubby even peed on the stick to make sure the line that I had wasn't the control line (not a proud moment). So here I am waiting for an ultra sound and my body is giving me no indication that anything is going on inside of me. By the way a couple of days ago I had some very dark veins in my breasts and they seem to have disappeared. I hope I either imagined those lines or that it means nothing.
Anyways, on to my next, less neurotic, part of the post. I am just curious when people have told close friends and family they were pregnant. I know it is super early but I am very tempted to tell some very close people. I have told my sister (obviously because she is very invested) and my parents. I am just wondering when we tell people who are close to us but not immediate family. Hubby thinks Thursday would be appropriate, when we see the gestational sac (please god!!). I agree with him that I can't wait until we are 3 months (although that is what I know most people do) but is Thursday too early? Should we wait until we see a heart beat (please, please, let that happen)? Obviously I am not going to go announce it over facebook (now or ever) but what about our closest friends and extended family. Just curious when you girls told? My feeling is that if anything bad happens, it isn't going to make it any more or less difficult if we have told those closest to us. If anything it will make them understand what we are going through even more. They will literally have to visit me in the mental hospital if ANYTHING goes wrong, so why shouldn't I tell them. If it sounds like I am trying to convince you that now is as good as a time as any, it is because I am trying to convince myself it is okay to allow myself this pleasure. It will be the first time in my life I can say anything positive as far as our journey to conceive I just want to make the announcement too early.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Ultra Sound Scheduled

Just talked to my clinic and our first ultra sound is this week. Wow, that is super early!!! I go in on Thursday and I will only be 5w 1d, and I am worried we won't see anything. The nurse said it is the earliest that she does the ultra sounds but she knows I have been anxious and because my hcg is so high I am likely to see something. Obviously not a heart beat which will be the ultimate (please god let that happen) but maybe the sac. I am scared sh**less but I guess everyone is for their first ultra sound. It will make everything real because up until now I can't believe that this could be happening. One more time I am going to ask you to please pray for us!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Another High Beta!!!

My clinic just called and it was great news! My Beta today 14dp3dt is over 3,000. I know it is super high but I am not going to worry about it. The fact is, that I am pregnant. The nurse reassured me that it is okay and reminded me that although it is much higher than some people, because things double so quickly it isn't really that big. I am choosing to believe her and just going with it. I am as always "caustiously optomistic". The next step is the ultra sound and that is when I will actually believe I am truly pregnant. If I see a heart beat that day it will all be real. So now I am back to a 2ww. Who knew there was a 2ww after the 2ww!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Eagerly Awaiting Tomorrow!

Well I have actually managed to avoid Dr. Googling anything since Wednesday and I have to say I am feeling better about my really high Beta results. I really appreciated knowing that some other blogging friends have had high betas and that they ended up having healthy pregnancies. I would be really happy if my high beta just means multiples! I am going in tomorrow at 8am and the clinic will call back with my results by 2pm. I am praying for my beta to be at least 1800 so I know that everything is okay. I am so excited but still a bit nervous. I just want everything to be okay and for this to be actually happening. I want to be able to breath and to be able to say out loud "I am pregnant". No sweeter words will have ever be spoken!
As far as symptoms, I am no longer having an cramping. My upset stomach is gone, my boobs don't hurt and the only thing resembling a pregnancy symptom is I still have a headache. You know me I am worried when I have symptoms and equally as worried when I don't. My mind keeps telling me that I should still feel bloated and that if my hcg hormone is increasing I should have more symptoms but my heart says just believe you are pregnant and everything will be okay. I actually haven't even been peeing on a stick. I figure all I will be doing now is worrying over the line getting darker. My line from the beginning was super dark and I don't want to worry if it gets any lighter so I figured I just would refrain from POAS. Plus I figure with my level being so high on Wed it would register as pregnant regardless of what was going on inside of me.
Please wish me luck tomorrow and I will be channeling all of your positive thoughts. Thanks again for your support!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Trying to figure this out

I can't find anyone who has such a high beta! This can't be right. Could she have read it wrong and meant 100. My sister even called to follow up and they told her 1000. This is ridiculous. I don't want to be octomom! I also found some info saying that reasons someone could have super high HCG levels are because of Molar Pregnancy, ectopic pregnancies, and Downs Syndrome. Another thing for me to obsess about!!

Beta Confusion!

Well I have great news (I think). My beta level is 1000. I didn't know that was even possible? I am not sure if there is a difference in measurement (Maybe we do it differently in Canada) but I was expecting something around 100. I have been looking around to try to find what measurement the HCG hormone is usually measured in and to find out if different clinics do it differently. Has anyone had an HCG level of 1000 or around that at 11dp3dt? The nurse from my clinic said that it looked good but the true test would be to see if this increases to 1500 by Saturday (I found this surprising too because I thought it was supposed to double every day). Anyways, I am happy that it is positive and I am excited to see what happens Saturday. Actually my assigned IVF nurse was a bit bothered by me coming in early. She kept telling me that they usually don't give results this early because they want to be sure. This also seem different than in the United Sates because many of my blogging sisters have had tests done in this time frame.
Hurry up Saturday!

Thank you!

Thank you all for the support and kind words. I have now taken 4 pregnancy tests and they have all come up positive. I am trying to be cautiously optimistic but I really can't wipe the grin off of my face. This is the farthest we have ever come and now I know that I can actually get pregnant. This is huge!!! Hubby is a bit more reserved and is affraid to say that we are pregnant because he doesn't want to "count the chickens before they hatch". I feel like we have had such bad news for the last 3 years so when we get good news, let's celebrate!!! Yes there are a ton of milestones we have to reach but let's just relish in this success!!! This is my personality I am always 2 steps ahead of what the current situation and it has good and bad side effects. It did not help me during my 2ww because with every cramp I assumed I wasn't pregnant but it is good because I am always planning the next step to move forward.
So I guess I really never thought about life after the illusive 2 lines. I knew there would be a beta but I don't know anything about beta testing. I know that I want the numbers to double and I want a high number but what is a good number for
11dp3dt? I ended up going for an early beta and they are calling me this afternoon with my results.
By the way I am still having really bad cramping. Although they are easier to face now that I have had a BFP they still make me uneasy. I am still terrified that when I go to the bathroom I will see blood.
So yesterday I gave my sister my blog address. She has been curious and I figure she has been such an integral part of this process that it would be harmless. Now I am freaking out a bit. I am worried that I will have written something that is insulting or hurful, or that I won't come across as grateful enough. I have never given anyone (IRL) my blog information because I just don't want people to judge me. I think you need to be infertile to truly understand an infertility blog.
Another question for you ladies. Does anyone know when my first ultra sound might be?
Thanks again for the support!!

Monday, July 11, 2011


I am scared shitless because I am cramping like crazy!!

Holy Sh@t!!!

I can't believe my eyes!!!! I just took a FR HPT and it has two lines. Is this possible!!! I think I am dreaming!!! I was taking it to prove to people that it was only a matter of time before I was going to get my period. I am so scared, I don't want to breath. I feel like such an asshole for all of my complaining this week!!! Okay, I have a million questions because lord knows I have never seen 2 lines and I am shaking. Is there any way that I took this test wrong? Seriously, am I reading it wrong, could it be a false positive??? I am 9dp3dt and I didn't have a trigger shot so I don't have to worry about it messing with the test. If this is a dream don't wake me up!!! By the way hubby is at work and doesn't get home for another half an hour. I told him about the test and he is in shock. He said he is going to buy an 8 pack on the way home because he needs to see it,and I don't blame him. I actually need someone to verify that because I don't believe what I am seeing. I think I might ask him to buy all different kinds because maybe this one is faulty.

Any moment!!

I know I am going to get my period at any moment. I am aching and my tummy is bloated and the pain from my ovaries has changed to an all over pain (back, uterus, and ovaries). I am miserable and totally emotional. I think I am going to give in and test tomorrow (if I don't start bleeding before that). I had decided not to look when I wipe (I know TMI) when I go to the bathroom because honestly I am a basketcase but that hasn't been working. I just went and noticed there was substantial CM. Now I am convinced I ovulated yesterday. Does that mean it will be another 2 weeks until I would get my period? That will be a total mind F*ck if that happens. Alternatively is that a sign that my period is coming/ I know my lining is thick because of all of the meds but I haven't seen much CM. As I have mentioned before I have been doing my progesterone suppositories rectally so I haven't had much discharge at all. So here I am stuck on the couch again with my legs crossed tight affraid to stand up and for the flow to begin.
Thanks for all of the support and comments. I really appreciate it, I think it is the only thing that makes me semi-sane.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Could I be Ovulating? or is it just my period?

Crazy question but could my ovaries be producing follicles right now? I feel like an idiot asking this because after all of these years dealing with infertility shouldn't I know this! My sister suggested that it might be the reason why I am having so much pain in my ovaries right now. It has never occured to me. Seriously, if the Lupron is wearing off, and the progesterone didn't stop my period last time, could I be getting ready to ovulate? Doesn't my uterus have to start shedding first before the follicles can start growing????? Please say it does!!!! Or maybe my ovaries hurt because my body is getting ready to start AF. Be honest, do you ladies get ovary pain right before your period? Is that possible? My only other theory is that because the lupron shot is wearing off I am feeling my ovaries more because they aren't being suppressed. Plus, maybe the Estrogen pills I have been taking are causing the pain, especially if I am pregnant (don't you produce more estrogen in pregancy?). I am probably wrong about the estrogen thing but I currently have 3 endometriomas (ovarian cysts) on each ovary so maybe the progesterone and estrogen that I am taking are aggrevating them. I know I am starting to grasp at straws here but a girls can dream right.Although this doesn't make sense because when I take my progesterone suppositories a "tiny" bit of the edge of the ovary pain is releaved. I feel like an idiot but I don't know if most women's ovaries hurt before their period? Because of my cysts my ovaries generally hurt all day everyday so I don't really know what normal people feel. On that note, maybe my sister is right and my headache is because of pregnancy hormones. Although it could also be because of AF hormones.
I can't bring myself to POAS tomorrow because I can't handle the heartbreak of a BFN. I am going to wait until Wednesday until the lupron shot is supposed to be out of my system. I literally shudder everytime I go to the bathroom. I feel like my period is here and am in shock everytime I wipe and don't see blood. I know people say that they have had AF symptoms and still had a BFP but this would be a miracle. I literally feel the exact same way I do 3 days before my period and guess what....the lupron is due to wear off in exactly 3 days. One more week of this and I am going to be in a mental institute.

Can ovaries explode?

Seriously, my ovaries are about to burst. They hurt so much I wouldn't be surprised if they caught on fire! I also have some very INTENSE cramping in my uterus today too. It bums me out because I thought we were finished will all of this cramping business. Yesterday afternoon and evening my tummy was cramp free and even my gas had subsided, I thought the relief might last at least a day or two. No such luck, I am cramping again with those AF type symptoms. My back is aching, my mouth is still so dry that it tastes like sawdust, and I have a serious Migrane. I checked the barometric pressure and the weather network and we have thunderstorms forecasted for tonight. Good god, I might die by then. I am captive in our bedroom with the lights off, and the airconditioning pumping. I have been drinking a ton of water and I feel like a fish. Although on a positive note the gas has gone and I haven't had "that kind" of visit to the bathroom since yesterday morning.
I have a confession, before the cramps kicked in and I checked the weather channel I thought my headache might be from pregnancy hormones....haha......I am such a glutten for punishment!!!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Driving Myself Crazy

So I have been telling myself that all of the AF symptoms I have been having mean that I am not going to get my BFP. But now that the signs are getting less and less I am sure that means that I will get a BFN too. It's funny because I hate everything my body is doing but I don't know what I want it to do. Yes it would be nice if I had sore boobs, was vomiting (and not from my ass) and dizzy but I am sure if I had those symptoms I wouldn't believe them either. I have decided (which I never thought I would come to this conclusion) that I will test on Monday morning. I just have to free myself from this torture. I don't have to worry about getting the HCG trigger out of my system because of the fact that I did an egg donor cycle. If it is positive I will know that it is accurate and I will probably drop dead from shock. I will be 9dp3dt so there is a chance I will get a false negative but at least I will have some kind of heads up.
By the way my gas is unbelievable. Everytime I think I am cramping I realize it is just a ripper building up in my tummy. Did anyone who got a BFP have gas so strong that it could knock a small animal over? It is constant and it is gurgling in my stomach at all times.
I am sure it comes to no surprise to anyone who follows me but I have been dr. googling again! I am obsessed with finding somebody....anybody who took Lupron (the 28 day shot) because I want to hear when they got their period, or their pregancy signs.

Begging for Sanity!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Still PMSing

So I am still cramping, especially in my ovaries (which seems odd because I didn't stim) but also in my uterus. My stomach is less upset (no more explosive diarrhea) although I am still having very regular visits to the bathroom (Sorry TMI). My mouth is still seriously dry and I am so bloated I can't even button my pants. I can't imagine that this can be pregnancy symptoms but I am trying to keep some tiny bit of hope in my heart. I also don't have an appetite at all (just like right before my period because I am too bloated to eat anything). I know that most pregant women can't stop eating in very early pregnancy. Plus my boobs don't hurt at all, no change in fullness, no twitching nipple, absolutlely nothing. Another thing that is worrying me is that I seem to have more energy today than I have had in a long time. Today is the first day that I woke up without struggle and had a bit of a bounce in my step. This seems weird because if my body is really working to create life wouldn't I be exhausted?
On a final note, I am terrified to go to the bathroom. I just know that when I look down I will see blood and my heart can't handle it. Rationally I know I can't have my period yet because I had my last lupron shot on June 16 (the dosage they give me lasts at least 28 days). This means it can't come until at least next Thursday but who knows. Remember, people told me last time that I couldn't get my period while on Progesterone suppositories and I started mine 6dp3dt. By the way don't you think it is ironic that my PMS symptoms started literally a week before I am supposed to get my period (according to my progesterone shot) and they are exactly the same as my regular PMS symptoms?
I know what anyone reading this is saying "Stop Analyzing Symptoms!" but that just isn't possible. Other people might have more will power than me but I am just weak!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Pissed! (This is a very angry post, avoid reading if possible)

You know what, I am pissed off. I feel like we have paid our dues ($27,975 in hard earned cash and more than that in tears), we've been patient (over 3 years of our lives), and maximized our chances (we have done 3 cycles in 12 months including an egg donor cycle). This is bull shit and I am fucking sick of this life. My life is completely consumed with trying to conceive and for what?? Nothing makes a flipping difference and we have had nothing but heart break. It is so unfair it makes me want to spit. Why the hell can't it be our time? Why not me?
I GIVE UP! Obviously I am not meant to conceive and I am sick of banging my head against the same freakin cement wall.
I know everyone wants me to be positive and hopeful but you know what, I don't want to. It isn't fair, enough is enough, and I can't hold it in any longer. IVF is bullshit. We spend all of this money thinking it will be the answer and you know what, the odds are stacked against us. It is like a lottery and I never buy the winning ticket. Then everyone tells me to hang in their because my number will be called. Guess what, it never is!!! Let's be honest and cut the crap. I have back cramps so strong they could cripple a child, my cramps are so painful I am keeled over, and I am literally vomiting out of my ass. This is not normal and can't be chalked up to "implantation" cramping. This is identical to the period I have every month as a sufferer of Stage 4 endometriosis. It is not the feeling of two time embryos implanting in my lining. My period is the one constant thing in my infertile life, and the only thing holding it off is my last lupron shot and the progesterone suppositories I am jamming up my ass.
I am sorry for the rant but it is what is in my heart right now and I had to get it out. I know everyone means well when they tell me to be hopeful and not to give up. I do appreciate that you all can stay optimistic because obviously I can't muster up those feelings. Thank you for your continuing support and I already feel a bit embarassed by this post.

Getting my period??

I am now terrified that my period is coming. I know people are going to say that it isn't possible on progesterone but I know it is (it happened IVF#1). People are going to say that the symptoms and pregancy are the same as getting your period (I have endo so I don't buy into that). This is the exact day in my first failed IVF cycle that I had my period symptoms and by day 6 (after the transfer) I had my full flow period. I know I have to be hopeful and ignore the dry mouth, sore back, explosive diarrhea, inability to funtction and get out of bed but it is difficult to ignore what happened last time. Especially because it is the exact same day that I felt the exact same symptoms as my previous IVF cycle.
I will do my best to keep my chin up and to move forward with "positive" thoughts. Please god let this just be a coincidence!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Houston We Have Cramping (I think)

Okay, I truly believe that you can make yourself feel anything! I feel like I have cramps but I am not entirely sure. Plus they are in the wrong place (in my lower to upper abdomen). Also I am having serious gas (sorry TMI) and I feel like that is probably part of the cramping. However, when I sneeze or toot I feel it in the uterus area (or close enough). A little disclaimer though I have been a total couch potato and I am literally morphing into the couch. I have been laid out on the couch since Saturday and I am wondering if I am just feeling my tummy because of my laziness (is that possible) because I haven't been using my ab muscles at all. I finally left the house tonight and the best way I can describe the way my uterus (I can't be sure it is my uterus but let's go there) is feeling is that it feels like I did a few too many sit ups and I am feeling a bit sore. I don't have the fluttering people talk about (unless you count gas) it is more of a constant dull ache. I have endometriosis so it is nothing compared to my period cramps. Now here comes the crazy part of the post, although I asked for the cramps I now want them to stop. First of all they aren't really the cramps I wanted and secondly now I am affraid they will get worse and will turn out to be my period. Finally, I have made another conclusion and that is that the cramps aren't implantation cramps they are just progesterone cramps (although I have been taking the suppositories for a week and this is my first day of cramping).
Any suggestions on how to get rid of this gas? Hubby says if I get off the couch I can walk the gas out. It make sense but I am in bit of a funck and can't seem to get myself motivated to leave the house.
Another day down only 10 days to go before my Beta!

Begging for a Sign!

I am obssesed with feeling some cramps. It can even be a mild cramp but it has to be in my uterus. Anything to indicate that something is going on in my uterus. Please, please, please let something happen!!! An hour ago I was over the moon because I felt a rumble in my tummy, unfortunately it turned out to be gas so the excitement was short lived. I think I am slowly going crazy!!!
Oh yeah, spotting would be a bonus!!!
PS I have a dirty little secret to admit. I bought into the pineapple core theory. Okay, realistically I know it doesn't make sense but hey if eating the core of a pineapple gives me even a 1% chance of implantation I will take it...haha

Monday, July 4, 2011

I need success stories!!!

I am looking for some cheering up and who better to ask then my trusty bloggy friends. I am looking for success stories of people who did 3dt but didn't have any embies make it to freeze. I know this is a long shot but I am hoping someone out there prevailed in this situation. Furthermore, I am secretly hoping the embies that were transferred where less than perfect (a girl can dream can't she).I have read about a ton of people who have gotten their BFP with Day 5 blasts and none to freeze but I have yet to come accross anyone in the same boat as me that got a BFP.

Discouraging news!

Our 4 embies that were in the lab are not doing well. Two have arrested and the others have not made it to the blast stage. The lab techs are going to give them until tomorrow to get to the blast stage but don't seem hopeful. This is so discouraging because if they couldn't make it to blast then I am assuming that my little embies inside of me are struggling too. I am bummed and feeling a bit hopeless. Trying to keep my head up but wondering what comes next!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

One day down 13 to go!!

I need to step away from the computer I am obsessed. I have found some information that says that 9 cells are too many for day 3 and others that say they are absolutley fine. I am choosing to believe the positive comments and feeling good about my 2 embryos. I have found at least 4 people who have had a successful pregnancy from a 9 celled embryo so it reassures me. Other than that the other thing I am obsessing about was when the dr sai thdat he would let me put in the third, 4 cell embryo because I am not a good candidate for multiples. What the heck does that mean? I know I have to get past the comment and honestly we would be really happy with a singleton (I think that goes without saying) but I am interpreting it as meaning that he didn't think our embies were good. Other than that nagging thought I am in a good place and feeling positive. I am relaxed and laying low. I am excited and nervous to hear if our other embies make it to freeze. We find out Tuesday morning and the lab technition told us not to call before that because she would have no information for us.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

An interesting and hopeful day.

Today we went to our fertility clinic wanting to discuss if we were going to go ahead with the 3 day transfer today or if we were able to wait and to do a 5 day transfer. Plus we wanted to make an informed decision on how many embryos to transfer. We arrived and my bladder was extremely full. Last time I went for my transfer it wasn't full so I made sure to wake up early and drink a load of water. When we got there I was ready to go. I have never ever had such a full bladder in my entire life. It would have been manageable if the ultra sound tech hadn't shown up an hour late. I literally had shooting pains down my back and I couldn't even sit down. I told the nurse the pain I was in and she didn't react (I am sure they hear that all of the time). Finally after I begged her to allow me to release a little bit of urine she relented (I guess because it had been an hour of waiting) and I headed to the bathroom. I only let myself pee a tiny bit and it obviously wasn't enough. By the time the ultra sound tech finally arrived I was back in a terrible state. They insisted that I have an external ultra sound to verify that it was indeed full before I realease any more urine and when they realized I was about to burst they allowed me to go back to the bathroom and fill a cup full. Oh sweet, sweet relief! I could finally lie down properly and relax to some extent. Although I do believe it put my body through unecessary traumaat wouldn impact the transfer. I didn't know that you could feel sick because you had to pee. So after I relieved myself we waited for someone to come and discuss if we were allowed to come back on Day 5. I seemed weird that they had me change into a hospital gown, have G change into his surgical outfit, and conduct an ultra sound before the decision had been made. It always seems like they are saying things to pacify us instead of working with us. Although nobody came to discuss the possiblility of a 5 day transfer like we had been promised, I am at peace with our 3 day transfer. Our embies had progressed some from yesterday but I guess they were not exactly what we had first anticipated. We had one embryo that was a 10 cell but was only rated a 3, we had one 9 cell that was rated 1.5, one 8 cell that was rated closer to a 2, one 6 cell that was rated a 1.5, a 5 cell that was rated a 2, and two 4 celled that were rated 2.5. We decided to transfer 3 embryos (wow, I never thought we would do that) because the dr said we were not likely candidates for a multiple pregnancy. I actually don't get why they don't think we could possible have a multiple pregnancy but I went along with it because I wanted to maximize my chances. We decided to transfer the 9 cell, the 8 cell, and one of the little 4 cells. They advised us against the 10 cell because they thought it was lacking somehow and they wouldn't advise us to put the 6 cell in with the others we chose (to reduce the chances of multiples)to throw one of the 4 celled embies in. It is very likely they will arrest by day 5 and won't make it to freezing so why not. The transfer was very painful,and I was sweating and dizzy during the entire process. This was very different from last time and the only thing I can attribute it to is the bladder debaucle. I thought I was going to faint for sure because the pain was ridiculous. I tried my best not to move to make sure that the doctor didn't cause any trauma to the endometrium because of my wiggling. He never told me to stop moving but I know I was rocking in the stirups. He did wait for a long time and told me that he was waiting for things to run clear before he moved out. He said he didn't want to drag anything out. What the heck does that mean? There is nothing I can do about all of this so I will let go of it and believe everything went fine.
Anyways, here we are starting our 2 ww and for the most part I feel great! I feel like there might have been some trauma but I have no pain now so I am going to believe the trauma was outside of my uterus. I am focusing on the positive and truly hoping this works. My sister has 3 beautiful children from the same eggs as I am using this information to make me hopeful that this will work.

Friday, July 1, 2011

More like 5

So they called today and said we had 7 and that we are having a 3 day transfer. I was suprised because I was told that as long as we had 5 we would be able to wait until Monday. I called and inquired and they made the decision because 2 look like they aren't going to make it. It is scary how the numbers are dwindling away. Now I am wondering if we will have any frosties after all. At this moment I can seriously understand why octomom put all of her embies in. I want to transfer all 7 of mine and I know that it isn't rational but I seriously wish I could. I know that it is dangerous and it is illogical it is just that I can't handle any more loss. Seriously, how do you go from 16 eggs to potentially 5 embryos, it is so scary!

Down to 7!

I don't think my heart can handle any more loss. I am celebrating that we have 7 because it is obviously the most we have had but I am still curious as to why we started out with 16 eggs and only have 7 embryos. Last time I only retrieved 2 eggs and we got 2 embryos so I guess that adds to the shock value.
I am doing my best to keep my eye on the prize and to remember that all we need is one good egg and that if we have 7 by day 5 then that still gives us a couple of frosties. We still haven't heard if we will be doing a day 3 or day 5 transfer. Fingers crossed that we can go to 5 days! By the way I am still working on hubby to transfer 3 embryos instead of 2 because I just want this to work so badly!