Sunday, May 23, 2010

My mom sucks!

Last night G and I went to dinner with my parents. My mom spent the entire night talking about a documentary she had just seen about babies and the miracle of life. She went on and on about it with not even a second thought. I had tears welling up in my eyes and she was totally clueless. I tried changing the subject numerous times but she would not be stopped. G was talking with my dad about sports and there I was trapped while she was unstoppable. I tried to get G's attention but he was clueless too!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Insensitive People

I forgot to mention that today when I went to the pharmacy to buy my OPK I had an embarassing moment. It was Senior's Day at Shoppers Dru* Mart and there was a line up to purchase. I had my OPK in my hand and was already a little bit uncomfortable standing there, although I am not really sure why. I am no longer in the closet about my infertility but I am not at the point where I want to discuss my perceived shortcomings to strangers. So there I was standing there in line feeling awkward and then the cashier started "harassing" me. Okay, I know this is going to sound like nothing to anyone who is fertile but others might be able to relate. The lady basically told me that my generation is not patient and that we can't just wait and let nature take its course. I felt like whipping up my shirt and showing her my stomach and telling her about my surgery. Maybe I could embarass her and discuss all of my internal ultrasounds, blood testing, sonograms....etc. What an ignorant woman!!! I had a feeling she was going to say something because she sized me up before she made her comments. I noticed her looking at my ring finger and then she took a long look up and done me before she opened her big fat trap. Sorry that wasn't nice but she wasn't nice either.


So I bought an OPK which I said I wouldn't because I have done enough cycle monitoring to know when I ovulating....or so I thought. However, I am confused because of my early period last month (cd 24 instead of 27). I don't know if I should assume that my cycle will go back to a 27 day cycle or if I should start peeing on the sticks now (it's day 8) just in case I get my period earlier again this month????
I have so much pain in my ovaries since my surgery and I really didn't expect it. Wasn't it the cysts that were causing the pain? It makes me paranoid that I already have new cysts because they really feel like the same pain as before my surgery just more painful. Also I have a constant shooting pain in my vajayjay which doesn't seem right.
I know I have no right to expect anything different but I am depressed that I didn't get preggo the last 2 periods since my surgery because I read that the first 3 months are the most fertile.

Friday, May 14, 2010

CD 2

Well I am back from my school trip and ready to die...okay I am exagerating but I am more exahusted than I have ever been. We had a great time but sleep was not included in the plan. Of course to add a little excitement I started my period yesterday unexpectedly. With the exception of 3 months in the last 2 years I have menstruated every 27 days so it was a huge shock that on day 23 I got my period. Not only did I not have any supplies but I spent the day on a school bus with 40 screaming preteens, attended cirucs school with the kids, went to space camp, went on a 2 hour walking tour and ended the night playing laser tag and bowling. There is not enough Aleve in the world that could have helped me. Plus not one public bathroom in Montreal was equipment with sanitary supplies and I could not find a pharmacy. I am wondering if the pharamones from all the girls on the trip set off my cycle. What else could it be?
Here we go again!!!

Monday, May 10, 2010

All the signs are pointing to a BFN

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I guess it went the way it was supposed to go. I had bought my mother a huge hydranga (I am sure that isn't spelled properly!) and as I took the turn at the end of our street it fell off the back seat and landed up side down, snapping most of the blooms off. Then when I turned around to see the dirt and disaster that had covered the back seat I dropped my Diet Coke that I was drinking. Next I headed to the grocery store (I was in charge of desert and lord knows I don't bake) and I had forgotten my wallet at home. I ended up having to borrow money from my mom to buy desert (what a thoughtful daughter, I know). Then my sister had bought tulips for every mother that was invited (of course I was the only grown woman without a bunch). Good times.
To top it all off I have my period cramps and the regular signs of mensturation so there will be absolutely no need to test this month.
I am off to Ottawa/Montreal tomorrow with my class so that should take my mind off things.
I hope everyone else survived the worst day of the year (I joke!).

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Depressed or just Tired

I have been absolutely dragging my ass lately. I am behind in my marking and I have turned into a total couch potato! I actually have energy all day when I am at school (I think I get energy from the kids) but as soon as I get home I eat and then fall asleep by 6pm. I wake up again around 8 pm, this is ridiculous. Hubby is working nights teaching extra lessons so that we can have some extra $$$. I just can't seem to drag my ass out to the gym. This sounds a lot like depression, right?
By the way I finally got over the "failure to launch" situation. I know I was a complete bi*ch and a terrible wife. G actually apologized to me (not sure why) but I am grateful. I really just couldn't get over it.
The count down is on, I leave for Ottawa/Montreal with my class on Tuesday, and theres only 12 days left in my 2ww. If women actually have symptoms of pregnancy immediately then I am not preggo because I feel nothing yet. I know it is probably too soon anyways, but I wish I felt a twinge of something.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Again I wait!

So I guess there is still a small chance that bd on day 11 and 12 could result in a bfp but it seems highly unlikely. Still I am not looking forward to the 2ww, although there isn't much I can do about it. Luckily, I have lots to do in the next couple of weeks so hopefully the time will go faster than other months.
One of the big events that is coming up next week is that I am taking my students to Ottawa/Montreal for their end of year trip. We go for 3 nights and 4 days and the kids are more than excited, most haven't been away from their parents for more than one night at a time. They are completely focused on their sleeping arrangements and rooming assignments. We have had more than a few parents call in to see if we can change switch the groups and it has been a bit stressful.
Another thing that will definitely keep me busy is my parents getting home from Florida for the season. They are high maintenance and my mom has already started leaving her 2 messages a day. I guess she is so social in Florida that she doesn't get around to calling as often, I have to admit I don't mind.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Failure to Launch

So hubby could not perform last night (wow, I can't believe I am sharing this). He literally could not get it up.....and I was pissed. I know this is not the way a loving and supportive wife should act...I get it, he's tired, he's stressed out at work, and we already did it 3 days. Why couldn't he have waited until we were ovulating to do it, I warned him on Thursday that we should wait! Of all days he couldn't perform why day 13 (typically the day the fertility clinic calls to remind us to do some bd). So now it is day 14 and we aren't talking (I stormed out and slept in the spare room). I know that I am being terribly immature but we are in a time crunch here and we need to make the most of my clear lady business. I was pissed, I even suggested that he use a shoe horn to get it in....haha...and he doesn't want a piece of this! Now I am babyless and hubby doesn't even want to hump me, this is just pathetic.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Every day or every other day?

So this is the first month since I have been trying to conceive that it is actually somewhat of a possibility that I could get pregnant (37% chance). So far hubby and I have done some serious bd 3 days in a row, hopefully 4 after tonight. What I am wondering is, if most people do it every day when they are about to ovulate or every other day? I figured we could try every day because of G's high sperm count. I didn't end up doing any cycle monitoring this month and I am assuming these are my fertile days based on previous months, temperature, and cervical mucus. However, today I was thinking that I should have bought an OPK to be sure. I guess there is always next month.