Thursday, April 28, 2011

Low Counts

So I am a bit bummed about my sister's results and I feel guilty saying it. We got the results from her day 4 tests back and she only had 6 antral follicles. Gosh, even I had 9 during my cycle monitoring. This seems at bit bleek and I hate for her to go through all of this if the chances are so low it seems so selfish. I was just looking at some data that said that generally when you have an antral follicle count of 6 you end up with around the same number of eggs. It went on to say that your chances of a live birth go down considerably with less than 9 antral follicles. Please someone tell me they had a low antral follicle test and ended up with double digit eggs. Hopefully they won't start her on a super low dose of Gonal F because then I will have a full anxiety attack!
Her other stats are as follows: Estrogen 293
LH is 2.7
FSH is 6.3

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

One Tiny Step Forward

So as predicted things are moving forward very slowly, but I guess it is better than regressing or standing still. We now have a contract (Thanks to a blogging angel Jennifer)and we have our psych appointments booked for May 10. I also have another sonogram (to date the most physically painful test I have had) booked for May 3. Fingers crossed that I don't have any polyps on fibroids (lord let something be functioning in my body). My sister has started her first month of cycle monitoring this month. I hate to admit it but I pushed hard for her to get in there. She didn't really get that if she didn't start the monitoring yesterday that we would have to wait another month before she could do her FSH blood test and Day 3 ultra sound and it would put us back an entire month. Seriously it was all I could do not to beg her to drag her ass down to the clinic. I just kept offering to take the day off of work to watch her youngest daughter so that she could make the appointment. She finally gave in and followed through with the appointment....because I might have literally had a heart attack. If you can't tell I am a bit of a control freak (I swear it only factors into things when dealing with babymaking). Hopefully the clinic didn't scare her off because she has been texting me all day telling how me how shitty she feels after being attacked repeatedly by wanda!
I am still in a bit of a bloggers depression and I am not proud of myself. I want to follow all of you and support you but I am just not in that place right now. I know as soon as Keeny (my nickname for my sister) is doing a cycle I will be blogging daily and I will get caught up on what you are all up to. Please don't think I am too self absorbed. I do think of you all and I do pop on your blogs but I just don't always post a comment. I promise I will be a better blogger soon.
Baby Dust to you all!!!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I'm the Third Party

Our journey has taken another direction and we have finally moved on to pursuing an Egg Donor cycle. My sister had her first appointment yesterday and it have is such a weird feeling. I am now a bystander in my own quest to conceive. My sister is the one in the drivers seat and that is hard for me. I feel like I have my face pressed against the window and I am just looking in on the process. She has to go to the clinic for counselling with her husband, they have to have blood tests done, and then they will attend an IVF seminar. It feels so strange and it isn't what I expected. I had no idea my brother in law would have to be so involved and I feel a bit uncomfortable about it. He is nice enough and wants us to get pregnant but he is super busy and I hate asking him to have to make time in his schedule for all of this.
While my sister is busy doing testing my job is to find a lawyer to get a contract drawn up. Then we all have to go in and sign it together (again with my brother-in-law). It just occured to me while writing this this post that I am the third wheel in this Third Party Contract. My husband will be the biological father and my sister will be the egg donor. I am just the recipeint! I know that isn't all I will be but on paper it sounds so insignificant. By the way does anyone have a third party egg donor contract because that would save us some money!!!

Monday, April 4, 2011

I survived

Other than the mother of the mother to be publicly embarassing me the weekend was non eventful. I handled myself very well and avoided breaking down in tears (infront of anyone that is). When the grandmother to be placed her hand on my stomach and asked if I had finally had any success she then let everyone know that I had been trying to get pregnant for 2 years without any luck. Yep, it was a special moment but what can you do. To put it is prospective my friend's mom is slow (and I am not being sarcastic). I would guess that if she had an IQ test she would fall in to a category of low intelligence. She has a very basic vocabulary and works in a factory where she can not move departments because the training for the next level of job is too difficult for her to grasp. I know she didn't mean to humiliate me but she was in fact laughing at me and telling me how her daughter had no problem getting pregnant. Oh goes on!
I am in an argument with the hubby and I think I am mostly to blame or at least I was at first. When I was away this weekend I called him to say goodnight and he didn't pick up the phone. He didn't call me back or message me until the next morning and this pissed me off. We always stay in communication with each other when one of us goes away and I thought it was inconsiderate so I let him know it. I guess I went a a bit overboard because he isn't speaking to me and even told me to go f*ck myself. Uh yes, you heard it right he swore at me for the first time in our relationship. It was extreme for the situation and let me tell you whatever plans I had to apologize went off the table when he said those words. Swearing at your partner is not okay in my books and I am happy not to talk to him for a little while.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Egg Donor??

Well our appointment had some good points and some discouraging points. This was the first time we have ever talked to Dr. G for more than 10 minutes so that was a bonus. Although he was over an hour late for the appointment it was nice that we had all of our questions answered. To start off I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't try to talk me out of moving on to an egg donor. Actually he had just come from a meeting about the clinic's new egg clinic (that's why he was late). Finally we are able to get eggs in Canada (although they are frozen and shipped from the United States). He said he thought I was being very level headed to move on to a donor and that he was impressed that I came to this decision so easily (let me assure you it was not easy but I just went with it). The negative was when he said he doesn't generally like to use an egg donor of my sister's advanced age (clearly 38 is not a positive). I know that her age isn't ideal but obviously I would prefer to have a genetic link and the cost difference is substantial. He said that if she doesn't have a high antral follicle and if her FSH level is high they will not accept her as a donor. Obviously I don't want to waste my sister's time and energy but knowing that she has had 3 healthy babies and no health issues I really figured we would give it a try even if she doesn't have the perfect stats (she isn't 25 so let's be realistic here!). At times I felt like Dr. G. was pushing the new egg donor program a little. I know that the success rate would be higher but as I mentioned earlier it is out of our budget (for now) and I would prefer some genetic link. Hubby says that if our clinic decides my sister isn't a good donor, then we should get a second opinion, and I agree. My major worry is that they will scare her off. Obviously this is a huge deal for her to be doing this and I don't want to risk her health but I am being selfish. I am sick of obstacles, nothing seems easy. Oh, and I am still obsessing that something is wrong with my uterus (because why would anything on me work). I have tons of lady pains and I worried about not being able to carry a baby if we do end up using my sister's eggs. I will have schedule another sonogram (ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!) which scares me because I am one of the few that found it very painful (my dr says it is because my cervix is so damaged from my endo). Does anyone know if endo usually affects carrying a baby?
So what next???? My sister has an appointment on April 13 to meet with the Dr. so that he can decide if she is there of her free will. Then if that goes well she have will a day 3 FSH test (Around April 26) and then she will have an ultra sound to see her antral follicle count around May 3. So I guess I will know sonner than later if she will be a viable donor (fingers and toes crossed). In the mean time we both have to go to a psychologist to make sure we are stable to go through the process.
So that's that, wait again.
I hope everyone is doing well and there are lots of pregancies out there in blog land. I haven't been reading posts because I have been trying to distract myself from fertility stuff. However, I know I will be hitting the blogs hard for support after this weekend. I am going to visit a friend and her cousin who are both 6 months pregnant and I know the converstation all weekend will be baby related....pray for me that I behave.