Thursday, May 16, 2013

Look alike?

So I know it goes without saying that I love my boys more than anything and I wouldn't change anything about them for the world. Okay, there are moments when I wish they were less adventurous and "spirited" but at the end of the day I love them for being themselves.
However, if I am being 100% honest with myself I have to admit that sometimes (like once or twice since they were born) I wonder what a baby born using my eggs and my husband's sperm would look like. I know this might sound ungrateful or senseless to some but I have to be honest. It's not that I want anything different than what I have with my boys. I could not love them anymore and I am 100% happy with how things turned out. My boys were meant to be my boys and if we hadn't gone through the egg donor process with my sister they wouldn't be here. I am forever grateful to her and I wouldn't change anything. It is just what I consider a nutural curiousity. I have a feeling people who adopt continue to wonder the same thing.
Anyways the reason I write this is because my sister is helping my mom put all of her photographs on her computer and she sent a picture of me at 6 months. I immediately started to cry (like full on weep)  The first thing I saw in that picture was my son Hudson. I know this is silly and it shouldn't matter but I do see myself in him. People always tell me he looks like me but I shake it off. I think to myself "that's what everyone tells the mother". However today when I saw it too it brought me to tears. Okay, please don't think I am a narsassist or something. It doesn't mean I love him more or less. Fynn looks nothing like anyone in our family and I could never love him any more than I do. It just made me emotional because I thought to myself, maybe this is what my "egg children" would look like anyways.
Don't get me wrong I wouldn't have cared if my kids were a different race it was just a curiousity. I think a child takes on their parent's expressions, and traits and ends up looking like them regardless of how they came to them. We have family friends who adopted and at times in my life I thought they must have been mistaken because their children looked soooo much like them.
Anyways here is a picture, you might not see it but I sure do. Maybe it is just the
                                                                   Me at 6 months
Hudson at 3 months
Hudson and I last summer. Man I look tired (that was a very LONG week at my in-laws cottage without my husband). . Being a stay at home mom has caused me to be a fatty I know this because that sweatshirt no longer fits me at all :(