Saturday, October 30, 2010

Get your hands off my cervix!!!!!

Okay, so every time I have a procedure that involves anyone going near my cervix I feel like I am going to freakin die!!! It hurts so badly that I start crying immediately, I swear like a sailor, and I have the biggest urge to kick the closest doctor. Today was no different I had what most people would consider a routine Pap and I didn't even make it through it. Actually although I have had adverse reactions to paps before, it has never been like this. Usually the only painful part is when they "pinch" my ovaries. This time when she was trying to "take a peek" at my cervix I could not handle it. I have what has been referred to as of lately as a turned cervix and it is so painful. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and if so is it an indication of something more serious. At this point I feel like all of the doctors in my life are less than forthcoming so I am a bit worried. So basically the doctor tried 3 different times to look at my cervix and then she refused to go on because of my pain.
Okay on a somewhat related topic does anyone else sick of being the sick wife. My husband asked me today (in more delicate words) if I thought I would ever be physically normal and pain free. Now don't get me wrong, I go to work, have a social life, and am generally healthy but my endo causes almost constant pain. Every day of the week I have sharp shooting pains and a tender abdomen. During my period I am in a shit load of pain (cramping, upset tummy, backache, shooting pains down my legs etc..). I try to keep my complaining to a minimum but it is hard to go unnoticed. I am either running to the toilet for a bathroom emergency or when my cramps are so bad, to throw up. I am physically drained for atleast one month a month. No kidding my husband wants to know if I will ever be normal. I don't even know the answer. I guess maybe if I had everytihng removed from my lady parts but that wouldn't solve my problems it would just give me new ones!
Wow, what a bummer I am tonight. It could be because I have report cards due Monday and that's never fun.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


This is an estimated timeline for the next 2 months
Oct 30- Pap
Nov 2-Appointment with IVF consultant (payment and pick up drugs) *
Nov 7-Start injections Superfact/GNRH/Lupron
Nov 20-Should get period
Nov 21-FSH injections
Nov 25 Start daily blood tests
Nov 30-Start daily Ultra sounds to see how follicles are developing
Dec 2- HSG shot
Dec 4- Egg retrival
Dec 7-Embryo Transfer
Dec 19- Home Pregnancy Test
Dec 20-Beta at clinic
Jan 3-Ultra sound and beta

In for it!!!!!

I have been trying to keep my emotions at bay and not pin my hopes on my upcoming IVF. I have been limiting my google access because most of my searches involve baby related information.
I know that it isn't practical to think that with my egg quality and endometriosis that I will get preggo on my first attempt. However, I am sitting here thinking of possible baby names, imagining myself setting up a nursery, and snuggling with my babies. I have even been entertaining the thought of having twins. Why can't I control my thoughts, this is not healthy. I have promised myself not to do this.
I thought I was doing okay but who am I kidding. My attempts to become detached during ultra sounds and doctors appointments have become short lived. I tried not to even listen to follicle counts and measurements but now I am obsessing over that kind of information.
I was trying not to obsesses but I can't help myself.I need some insight. At my appointment this past Friday (Day 4) they told me that I have 5 follicles on my right side and four on my right side. I don't remember the measurements but they said they look to be an appropriate size. Is this good or bad? I actually didn't know they were going to talk about follicles. This is the month that I am on the pill and I don't start my injections until November 7 (isn't that when I should care about follicles). Will the follicles they see now be viable in Decemeber?

Sunday, October 17, 2010


So I haven't really felt like writing lately. Mostly because I have been busy with school but also because nothing much is new. We decided not to do the study and we have had our first consultation regarding IVF. I still don't really understand the timeline but it sounds like if all went well we could be pregnant the 2/3 week of December. I am super excited but also very realistic. I have read so many blogs and I know that IVF is not a definite especially with my endometriosis. I am writing this it has just occured to me that I put my birth control pill out with the garbage ( I bet is was my subconscience agression). Now I have to go out to the garage and wade through the most disgusting bag of garbage I have seen in a long time...we had pasta and seafood last night and I dumped the extra sauce into the bag!!!! I can't concentrate until I get those freakin pills