Saturday, April 17, 2010

Self Restraint

Why do I torture myself by going into the baby department. It makes no sense that I would do this to myself. Generally when I need to pick stuff up at Wal*mart or other big box stores I know how to navigate around the store and avoid the baby section of the store. I have learned the hard way that seeing the adorable clothing and equipment can set me off if I am having a sensitive day. However, today I went into Home*sense to find some new pillow to go on our new loveseat and suddenly I felt the magnetic pull that led me into the baby section. I actually stopped, and look longingly at length at all of the adorable stuff. I actually felt like a criminal the entire time I was in there. Like everyone knew that I have absolutely no business being in that section. It was like getting passed the bouncer at some swanky club and knowing that you will get caught for not being on "the list", lord knows I am not on the mommy list. It was actually an adrenaline rush at the start but slowly I crashed and burned and found myself close to tears. I think I will stick to my closet shopping on Craigslist where I can look without worrying about the judgemental eyes of the public.

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you feel! The last time I was in the baby section was about two months before my hyst and I was throwing my sister a baby shower. Ironic, huh? But I wanted to show her that I was a good sister and that I loved her and I didn't hate her because she wasn't broken and I was. I ended up completely hysterical holding one of those things you put in the dishwasher to hold the bottles? So this woman comes up to employee. And she goes "is it friend or family that isn't you?" and I was in SHOCK. How could she KNOW why I was bawling. So I spilled 8 years of heartache to this complete stranger, and in the end she helped me pick out some stuff for a gift. People say no one can tell that you are a childless mother...but I think they can. They can see the little deaths in our eyes. I am totally here if you ever need to talk or chat and I look forward to your posts and wanted to thank you for the follow!
    Loves and Baby dust-
    Sara Jean