Thursday, August 12, 2010

The stages of grief

Is it possible to go through the stages of grief in less than 2 hours? I feel like I have. I had my doctors appointment and again I did not get any of my questions answered. I am so mad at myself but more mad at my doctor. I am beginning to think he is intenionally trying to cut my off and rush me out (I know I sound naive). I have always had so much faith in my doctor. Mostly because we have a family connection and he knows my dad through golf so I figured I was getting some sort of personal care. However, it really doesn't seem that way anymore. He never remembers anything about my previous appointments and where we are in the process to conceive. Today he actually asked me if we wanted to start thinking about conceiving after we know now how severe the endo is. Uh no shit Sherlock, that's how we found the endo in the first place!!!!!!!! Then he asked about the pain from recovering from my surgery. By the way I have seen him twice since my surgery and we have discussed it both times. Not only that but he stands in the doorway and doesn't even sit while we are talking. So here's how the appointment went from what I can remember. Hi Kelly (me) how are you dealing with your pain? This confused me because the last time I met with him I had told him there was no pain. Although since then I have started to have pain so I felt like I had to remind him that it has just started in the last month. Then he asked if I wanted to consider trying to conceive, and I gulped down hard and said and I would like to be very aggressive. He said we should do an x-ray to see if my tubes are blocked. I reminded him that I had, had an HSG before the surgery and that both my tubes were clear. He seemed confused but continued on and said that there were some abnormalities. I asked if he meant with my tubes and then he said your surgery yielded much more severe endo than we had anticipated. I asked what kind of abnormalities again and he said there was lots of scar tissue. Then I asked him if I could have an ultra sound to see if I had more cysts because I am having lots of pains. He agreed and he said that we will get together again in 6 weeks once we get the results from the x-rays of my tubes and the ultra sound. He said once we know if the tubes are blocked we can make a plan. I started to ask my list of questions and he said to save them until we have all of the facts. I felt like he was blowing me off!!
Now I have an entirely new list of questions: Did anyone else have another HSG after surgery? Do tubes block from having surgery to remove endo????? Why would we have done the surgery then? Can your tubes become malformed in 4 months?? What did he mean by abnormalities? Why didn't he mention these abnormalities before???
When he said we will make a plan after we find out if my tubes are blocked he mentioned that if they are blocked we will go right to IVF (obviously!!!!). Then he said even if they aren't blocked we can discuss IVF because it might be the best avenue. What about my fucking egg quality?????? Why didn't he answer that question? Why do I always have to wait?????


  1. Baaaaaaaaahhhh!!! I'm so sorry the appointment went so horribly, who is this doctor of yours? I mean, I'm glad he's a family friend, but not remembering that you were ALREADY trying to conceive? I'm confused...

    I'm sorry I commented yesterday about the HSG, I didn't know you had already had one (although I should have assumed with stage 4...). I'm glad that it turned out alright, and I'm definitely confused as to why he would want to do another one so soon after. That seems strange to me, but I guess it couldn't hurt (sort of...I mean, I've heard they are no fun if you're awake).

    AND WTF WAS THE ABNORMALITIES TALK??? I'm with you on that, answer the damn question doc. I'm guessing he was just blown away by the amount of scar tissue. Does he deal with stage 4 endo much? I'm sure your organs are all adhered to eachother.

    I see no reason why you need to wait 6 weeks to have your questions answered.

    Can you get a second opinion? Is there someone else you can go see and take all of your medical records to? With stage 4 endo, a lot of doctors will move straight to IVF. I would talk to someone else if I were you.

    I'm about to have my WTF appointment about this last cycle/miscarriage/whatever you want to call it. Ugh. But one of the things my doctor talked aobut after almost all of our great looking day 3 eggs stopped developing was genetic testing. He's concerned about the egg quality. So as soon as I hear what he has to say (because I have no idea what he was talking about) I will absolutely let you know!

  2. Sorry your appointment went so horribly! I can't stand it when doctors dismiss what your concerns are! Why is he making you wait 6 weeks for another appointment? I have heard of getting another hsg after surgery. If your insurance covers it, might as well get it to double check your tubes. Hugs to you today!! I would look at a second opinion too! Check out your options if you can :)

  3. kc - i would be upset too. i feel like he made you wait 3 months for nothing! and they could have done an HSG during your surgery instead of making you wait.. but regardless, i think when you have severe endo, the best thing to do is try a few IUIs and then move onto IVF quickly, within that window of 9 months or so after your laparoscopy.... Ugh. Can you email him? Sometimes I find it best to email my RE because I don't get as nervous.

    As for your egg quality, the only real way to know is for you to do an IVF cycle so they can see what they look like as embryos and how they grow... if you don't stim well or don't make quailty embryos after the first IVF cycle, you shouldn't necessarily move right to donor eggs, but maybe a different protocol is in order. There's a lot of options before moving to donor eggs.

    I hate that you have to wait more too. maybe you should switch doctors? Sorry if this is offensive, but you have to take charge of your care. So get your questions answered and formulate a plan yourself too! It can only help to have your own knowledge. Go girl, go!!!

  4. I'm so sorry the appointment went so disappointingly bad. People become doctors for many different reasons-and not all of them do out of real genuine concern for people. And I too hate doctors who make you feel like you're infringing on their time when you're actually paying them for their time. It really pisses me off! Anyway, despite the family history you have with him, I would advise you to look for a different doctor who's more compassionate and dedicated to your cause, and certainly more focused!

    Though surgery is known to cause scarring, it's hard to know where they will occur. If you have any doubts about your tubes, a HSG is the best way to allay your fears. And I've mentioned this to you before, western medicine does not treat egg quality issues, because they don't have treatments for that. So maybe that's why your doctor avoided your question. What they can do is force you to make tonnes of eggs each cycle with drugs, and hope that numbers will compensate for quality. It's really a stupid way to approach infertility. AFter all, IVF was invented for women with tubal problems, so it wasn't designed as an answer for all infertility problems. I'm kinda disgusted at how doctors are pushing IVF as mainstream treatment, misleading women into parting huge amounts of money,pumping their bodies with drugs without helping them address their original IF problems properly in the first place-and all for a 30% chance of success only! Western medicine has disappointed me at every corner I've turned to. ART may work for some cases, but your best chances are to combine ART with other alternative therapy.

    There are other answers out there. Just don't be afraid to try them. After all we all deserve the best of what the world has to offer. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. Wishing you the best on your journey! (HUGS)