Okay I am not really psychic....... or am I. I know this is weird to say but I always knew I was going to be infertile. I literally always got a feeling in the pit of my stomach when people would talk about how terrible it would be to have problems conceiving. I just knew somewhere deep inside that, that was going to be the fight I was going to have to fight.
A while ago I read someones blog that mentioned that they could not envision herself with a child. She was going through all of the treatments but couldn't see it in her head. This also scares me because I used to picture myself being pregnant and having a newborn but I no longer have dreams about this. I am not sure if this is just because I am blocking it so that I don't torture myself or if it has a deeper meaning.
I can't even mention another vision that I have because it is literally morbid and I don't even want to say it because that is just bad luck.
I know this feeling very well. I think I get so caught up in the process of getting pregnant that I forget what the end goal really is. I can almost picture a pos beta more than a baby or pregnancy. I have also had this feeling. Maybe we just know ourselves well enough. Hoping for happier endings for all of us.
ReplyDeletei feel the same way too sometimes.. like.. hmmm... is there somewhere deep down inside me that knows the truth, that i'll never be able to carry my own child? and am i just too pigheaded to not listen to it?
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