Thursday, December 30, 2010

San Franscico

Having fun, but it is freezing here. Just got an email from a really good friend (bridesmaid in my wedding). She is 7 weeks pregnant. I locked myself in the hotel bathroom and cried because I don't want hubby to know how weak I am. I feel like a big failure! It was nice of her to send me the warning email but it still feels weird that I am so pathetic that I need a warning email. Trying to stop thinking about my barren uterus. I have done such a great job avoiding these thoughts on this vacation so far. WHY DID I CHECK MY EMAIL!!!!!
I pathetically thought I was spotting yesterday, thoughts of implantation bleeding danced through my head. As if I would get pregnant during a non medicated cycle....haha. I am a nut case!

9 comments:

  1. You are not weak!!! You are not a failure!! If you are weak and a failure then that means that all the rest of us that have gone down the same road would be failures too.

    it is a perfectly normal reaction when you are dealing with what you are going through. Don't hide it, it will only make it harder, instead, share it with your hubby, talk to him about how you feel!!

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  2. We all go through weak moments and it is very hard to get the news that a friend is pregnant. It hurts because we want that too. I understand how you feel. Try to focus on the rest of your vacation. YOU ARE NOT A NUT CASE!!!

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  3. PG anouncements are always hard and I opten cry and then hate myself for being jealous.
    Sadly it is normal for us infertiles.
    x

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  4. I'm so sorry - this sucks. I respond this way too, it's part of being infertile. And it's ok. I agree with Sarah - I think you should try to talk to your hubby and share your feelings. I recently found out the prego announcements make my husband jealous too - made me feel so much better!

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  5. Sorry friend. Boy do I get it. One of my close friends is one month away from delivering and I am insanely jealous.
    I also have to do an non-medicated cycle after this one and am thinking I will just not try period. It's so unlikely that I will get PG, that I just can't bother. I know it's happened before though...and part of me hopes I will be the miracle.
    Keep your head up and know we are here listening.

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  6. we do all go through with pregnancy anouncements and, while I too feel weird at needing the wanring anouncement, I welcome it and think I fear being caught off gaurd even more.
    Hnag in there, thinking of you...

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  7. It's not weak it's normal given the situation. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I hope you are having a good time and not checking email! Happy new year!

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  8. i have gotten quite a few emails like that, and i cry each time, but i'm glad that they do tell me first because it would be worse in my opinion to be told via fb or other ways when others find out.... happy new year and hope you are enjoying vacation.

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  9. Don't feel bad! It is a totally normal reaction. Certain pregnancies are harder than others and often the people you are closest to makes for some of the worst ones for whatever reason. I also could totally relate to the implantation spotting comment. You want so badly to have hope, to be one of those, "Whoops, whaddya know" stories, but then you feel like kicking yourself for letting your mind even go there. UGH...infertility just sucks! Hang in there, girl! Hope you guys had a great trip and wishing you a great 2011!

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