So I am in a bad mood tonight. I actually had a relatively productive day at school and wasn't set off until the very end of the day. It was finally confirmed that yes my collegue (friend) is 4 months pregnant. I am not 100% sure why but I am definitely annoyed. I called a mutual friend and asked her if I was completely off my rocker. She seemed to think my feeling were valid. My point is simply this, it would have been nice for her to tell me (which she still hasn't) personally that she was pregant. The reason it bothers me is because she has been super curious throughout my IVF process and throughout all her questioning it might have been nice for her to have given me the heads up on her pregnancy. Back to this in a second.
Then when I got home from school Hubby was in the kitchen making sandwiches for dinner (he made me one for dinner last night and another to take in my lunch today). Seriously the last thing I wanted to eat was a freakin sandwich. Hubby can be sensitive and truth be told he doesn't like to deviate from whatever he considers to be a suitable plan. You see being that we are only a two person family food often goes to waste. He doesn't do the grocery shopping very often so generally he doesn't know what goes to waste. This week however he did the grocery shopping. One of the things he bought was a frozen lasagna which we made for dinner on Saturday night. We had it Saturday night and then Sunday for lunch even though I am not a huge fan of left overs, Then he had it for lunch on Monday but I was not into it. He seemed bound and determined that we would in fact eat every piece of that lasagne. I know what you are thinking, hubby is cheap. This is not the fact, he loves to eat out. He doesn't check prices at restaurants there is more to this. I think it is control and because he has it in his head suddenly that we are wasting things he has to make a change and he will eat that entire lasagne and now the sandwich meat. Well good for him, I am not eating anymore sandwiches or lasagna. So as he ate his tired old sandwich I had chicken pot pie, which was delicious by the way. He told me that if I wanted to waste food it was up to me. Well that was a no brainer!
So back to the Preggo Drama Queen. When I told Hubby that I thought it was inconsiderate of her not to come to me. Hubby was less then supportive. He told me to get over it, that other people get pregnant and that it just wasn't about me. Well of course her pregnancy isn't about me and I will get over it I just wanted him to say she sucks and then on with the night. That however, will never happen from my husband. He will never look over at me and admit that my infertility sucks. He says it is fine and that we are going to get through it. I know that we will make it through it, but come on just one time can't he just say it sucks dirty hairy balls. Maybe I need to stick Wanda up his ass a couple of times, inject dye into the tip of his penis, and inject him with hormones. I am sick of his looks that tell me to get over it. He glazes over when the doctors talk to us. There is no bloody way he even knows what a freakin follicle is. Seriously this guy could not even tell you when pr how a woman ovulates. All he knows is his wife complains a lot more than any of his previous girlfriends.
Now that I am venting I will also mention that when I do try to "stay positive' and allow myself to day dream about having a baby he shoots me down. He will not indulge in any baby talk at all. I have tried, lord have I tried anything and everything. He refuses to even discuss baby names. When we were deciding if we would pursue IVF I had to send him an itemized email addressing all of the decisions that needed to be made to get a specific response. Otherwise he just tells me to make the decision.
He won't even entertain the idea of adoption or foster care....why the heck would he be, IVF isn't really any inconvenience to him. He doesn't even technically have to pay any $$$ towards it. Yes I get it, when you are married you share money, but our money that has been reserved for IVF is actually the money my grandmother left me in her will. It has always been in an investment under my name.
Okay, my final bitch fest. I have a bladder infection which freaks the heck out of me. My regular doctor told me that infections can lead to miscarriages and that is just not what I want to hear!