Letter to my doctor

Hi,
Thanks to the support of my fellow bloggers I have decided to try and be more proactive in this process. I have taken Kathleen's suggestion and insisted on emailing my doctor about my concerns and requests. Now how succussful it will be is still unknown. He doesn't have a public direct email but I have sent a message through the general inquiry section on the website (as suggested by his nurse) with attention to my doctor.

Dear Dr. G

I am following up regarding our appointment yesterday. My husband and I have discussed moving on to IVF at length and are ready to do so now regardless of if my tubes are blocked. We are interested in expediting this process. Instead of waiting another 6 weeks for test results we are requesting to schedule the necessary appointments now. We would like to get the process of IVF underway sooner than later.
We have scheduled the appointments you have requested and will be in to see you on September 22.
I hope that you can understand the sense of urgency to move this process along in a more timely manner.
Thank you for your understanding,
Kelly

Please let me know what you ladies think of the letter

The stages of grief

Is it possible to go through the stages of grief in less than 2 hours? I feel like I have. I had my doctors appointment and again I did not get any of my questions answered. I am so mad at myself but more mad at my doctor. I am beginning to think he is intenionally trying to cut my off and rush me out (I know I sound naive). I have always had so much faith in my doctor. Mostly because we have a family connection and he knows my dad through golf so I figured I was getting some sort of personal care. However, it really doesn't seem that way anymore. He never remembers anything about my previous appointments and where we are in the process to conceive. Today he actually asked me if we wanted to start thinking about conceiving after we know now how severe the endo is. Uh no shit Sherlock, that's how we found the endo in the first place!!!!!!!! Then he asked about the pain from recovering from my surgery. By the way I have seen him twice since my surgery and we have discussed it both times. Not only that but he stands in the doorway and doesn't even sit while we are talking. So here's how the appointment went from what I can remember. Hi Kelly (me) how are you dealing with your pain? This confused me because the last time I met with him I had told him there was no pain. Although since then I have started to have pain so I felt like I had to remind him that it has just started in the last month. Then he asked if I wanted to consider trying to conceive, and I gulped down hard and said and I would like to be very aggressive. He said we should do an x-ray to see if my tubes are blocked. I reminded him that I had, had an HSG before the surgery and that both my tubes were clear. He seemed confused but continued on and said that there were some abnormalities. I asked if he meant with my tubes and then he said your surgery yielded much more severe endo than we had anticipated. I asked what kind of abnormalities again and he said there was lots of scar tissue. Then I asked him if I could have an ultra sound to see if I had more cysts because I am having lots of pains. He agreed and he said that we will get together again in 6 weeks once we get the results from the x-rays of my tubes and the ultra sound. He said once we know if the tubes are blocked we can make a plan. I started to ask my list of questions and he said to save them until we have all of the facts. I felt like he was blowing me off!!
Now I have an entirely new list of questions: Did anyone else have another HSG after surgery? Do tubes block from having surgery to remove endo????? Why would we have done the surgery then? Can your tubes become malformed in 4 months?? What did he mean by abnormalities? Why didn't he mention these abnormalities before???
When he said we will make a plan after we find out if my tubes are blocked he mentioned that if they are blocked we will go right to IVF (obviously!!!!). Then he said even if they aren't blocked we can discuss IVF because it might be the best avenue. What about my fucking egg quality?????? Why didn't he answer that question? Why do I always have to wait?????

My list for the Fertility Dr.

1. I have stabbing pains in both my ovaries again
2. I also get shooting pains throughout the month from my ovaries down to my vajayjay
3. Plus I have pins and needles in my vajajay off and on
4. I want to take a more aggressive approach
5. What can be done to improve my egg quality?
6. Should I have a ultra-sound to see if my cysts/endometriomas are back?
7. Do you think Clomid would be helpful?
8. Would an IUI be a good avenue for me even though I have "bad eggs"?
9. Do you think we should just go straight to IVF?
10. Should I be thinking about finding an egg donor or is that premature?
11. GIVE ME DRUGS AND LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts

It's funny because I am more exhausted now then when I am teaching. I have no idea why I am so tired but G seems to think it is because my usual schedule is off. I have been "busy" although the things I have been doing aren't terribly constructive. Actually I ended up going back to the United States for some shopping with my mom. I love my mom but being with her can be exhausting!!!! Tonight G and I went to the Blue Jay game and they totally sucked. When we left the Jays were loosing 9-1. Oh well, I am not a huge baseball fan so we went to China Town for some delicious food.
Tomorrow is my doctors appointment which I have been waiting 3 months for (okay that is a slight exaggeration). I always go into these appointments promising myself that I won't leave unless he make a more aggressive plan but then I freeze as soon as the doctor comes in. I say everything is great, I feel great, I love being infertile and I agree that waiting and watching is the best way to go. THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT, I hope.
I have my list of questions and demands and I have to stick with them. I will not leave that office without an aggressive plan.
WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20 things I love

1. Hubby
2. Family
3. Traveling
4. Laughing out loud
5. A great outdoor concert
6. Good Conversation
7. Curling up with a great book
8. Sleeping in
9. Lying on a beech
10. Girls night in
11. The first day of school
12. The last day of school
13. Going to the movies
14. Sitting on the dock at the cottage with my toes in the water looking at the stars
15. Getting a great deal
16. Hubby's homemade Seafood Dinners (Lobster/King Crab legs/Scallops/Shrimp)
17. Fresh Sheets
18. Driving with the windows down listening to a great song
19. The smell of fresh laundry
20. The feeling of wearing new socks

Great Weekend!

This weekend was our wedding anniversary and G planned a trip to Niagara Falls for us. It is a very rare thing for G to have a weekend off and we made the most of it. We had a really nice dinner at The Keg overlooking the falls and then hit the casino. Then on Saturday we headed over the border for some outlet shopping before we went golfing. Then we had a couple of Margaritas and hit the casino again. Although we didn't win any money we had a nice time together.
I assume that most husbands in the IF world frequently talk about baby making plans but G is not that guy. He is happy to take a back seat and let me make the appointments and decisions. I would prefer he was online researching and making suggestions but that just isn't him. I am pretty sure he doesn't even like talking about it at all. In fact he likes to pretend the problem doesn't really exist. He puts a positive swing on everything (this can be annoying) and is always optomistic. He absolutely never brings up having children and doesn't seem negatively impacted by our struggles at all. This weekend was one of the first weekends he actually fully engaged in a conversation about IVF. He thinks we should just go for it sooner than later and seems to think it will work without a doubt. I try to warn him about the stats but he just doesn't hear it. When I pointed out that private adoption costs about the same but in the end you are pretty much guaranteed becoming parents (although I know it is a lengthy and involved process) he wasn't interested. Why isn't he as invested at I am? Grrrr

Bored

Well today is my first day of my real summer vacation. After finishing summer school and visiting my MIL's trailor I am now home alone and already bored. I don't know why I am not outside in the sun reading my book but I just can't be bothered. Instead I am hiding out downstairs in my familar position watching "Bringing Baby Home" on TLC. I don't know why I torture myself but here I am in tears watching other people live my dream.
I am couting down the days (1 week left) until my fertility doctor appointment. This time I am going to make an aggressive plan to take control of this baby making situation. In my head I have decided to do 3 IUIs with clomid and then move on to IVF. I guess we will have to take the "clomid challenge" to see if clomid will help my egg quality. Do they still do this? I am such a loser havig this plan because it is just based on my google reading of what other people have done. I have no idea what my doctor is going to suggest but I can't handle another 3 months of wait and watch. My grandmother left us $25,000 when she died last year and I think she would happy for us to use it in this way. I know you can sign up for single IVF treatment or 3 at a time that is a bit less expensive so I think we will go for the 3 package. Who needs a down payment for a house anyways!!!
The annoying part is that Quebec (another province in Canada) now covers 3 IVF attempts and Ontario (where I live) is in the process of approving 3 cycles. Although I guess if my 3 don't work I can rely on the government at that point (although I am sure it will be years before it is covered, knowing the government).
Anyways, I want to go to Buffalo shopping but I have nobody to go with. G works every minute and most of my friends are working.