Sunday, June 6, 2010
Stuck in a downwards spiral!!
Another month and it's the same old sh*t as always. Counting days, taking tests, and then facing the sad truth. I am just so dejected! When will it be my turn? I am so sick of this kind of "living", that is not living at all. Summer is just around the corner, there are only 3 weeks left of school and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I am lonely and depressed and nothing seems to help. I have been forcing myself to be around other people but that just makes me feel more alone. Everyone I know has kids and being around them makes me feel pathetic. I would rather just hang out with hubby. Now I find myself sitting at home eating on the couch watching t.v more and more. I am fat for the first time in my life! I know why I am fat but I just can't motivate myself to do anything about it. The only comforts I have involve carbs.
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I know exactly how you feel, unfortunately. And I agree - it isn't living! It's being stuck in an endless loop of hope and inevitable despair.
ReplyDeleteThis post totally describes me and my life lately. Except for today I fought with my husband, so I can't even hang out with him! (And tomorrow's our anniversary- great. We know how to celebrate, right?) Depressing.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, though- hanging out with my sister and my two nieces (today) helped me feel better. Even though I don't have my own kids, those two girls are a big part of my life, and I love them!
Hi KC, I found your blog recently and just wanted to say hi to a fellow endo sister! I have endo too, and a long list of crappy things preventing me from getting pregnant. Basically, my uterus is a nightmare! And I'm also blogging about my journey. Do drop by one day. I'd love to hear from you! I'll be following your blog and I look forward to getting to know you and your journey.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I too have a very tight friendship with carbs. And my fertility doc told me outright that I was fat the other day! I guess I gotta get more friendly with the gym! I hope you come out of that depressing vortex soon. I was in one a few weeks ago when I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and fibroids too. Its tough being there but you get so sick of it, you'll eventually find a way out. It is a crazy loop!Just hang in there!