Dreams do come True!

The past two weeks have flown by and have been better than I could have ever imagined. My boys were born February 17 and I can't believe I am finally a mommy. It is just starting to sink in and it is the best feeling ever. These babies were meant to be mine and are totally worth the wait. If only I had, had a crystal ball during our infertility battle so I could have seen this day coming. Throughout my pregnancy I never allowed myself to induge in visualizing what it would be llike to hold and meet our babies. I just couldn't handle any more heart break so I had a wall up. Now that they are here I have to pinch myself every day because every minute I love these boys more.
The arrival of the babies was earlier than anticipated as my preeclampsia symptoms came back and the doctor thought it was safer to get the boys out at 35 weeks instead of risking my health. I had a lot of guilt about my body failing me, and more importantly my boys, but everything seems to have worked out. The boys had to spend 2 weeks in the NICU because they were having some problems eating but are home now and seem to be thriving. Nobody wants their babies in the NICU but the boys were well taken care of and have come a long way in 2 weeks.
I wish I could have held out longer and I hope I didn't cause them any pain or serios discomfort. I ended up having a c section because I was never able to dilate even after having the gel placed in my cervix. The boys were both a good size, especially considering they were over a month early. Fynn William was born first and weighed 6 pounds even and Hudson David came a minute later weighing in at a hefty 7 pounds 3 ounces. They are both perfect but look nothing alike. Fynn has a narrow face and is long and lean, with what appear to be blue eyes and blond hair. Hudson or "the big guy" as we like to call him has adorable chubby cheeks with darker hair and big brown eyes. They also seem to have very different personalities; Hudson is the calm observer, while Fynn seems to be a bit more animated and energetic.
Will post later, I hear some squeaks and it is feeding time.

The Boys Have Arrived

Message from a very proud Auntie Christine:

I'm happy to announce that Kelly & Graham are the proud parents of 2 beautiful baby boys. The boys were born this morning at 10:55 and 10:56. Twin 1 weighed in at 6lbs and Twin 2 weighed in at 7lbs 3oz.

Kelly's blood pressure was creeping up yesterday so they decided to induce her. She spent the night in the delivery room with little progression so the doctor decided she should have a c-section.

She's recovering now and is very anxious to meet her 2 miracles.

It was my birthday yesterday and had my fingers crossed but I'm happy that they will have their own special day all to themselves.

Hopefully Kelly will be able to fill you all in soon.

Thanks for all your love and support.
Christine

Update

Well, I have to admit that I have been struggling with the idea of blogging and have avoided it. I haven't blogged in a very long time because I don't know what to say. I am now 33 weeks pregnant and finding pregnancy very diifficult. I have a lot of guilt about not loving every second of pregnancy and I certainly don't think an infertility blog is the place to complain about anything pregnancy related. I can't wait to be a mom but for some reason even at 33 weeks pregnant I never allow myself to "relax" and believe I will actually be a mommy soon.
Women keep telling me to enjoy every second of pregnancy because I will miss it. I feel ungrateful and I don't want to give people the wrong idea. I want these babies so badly it hurts and any pain and discomfort is worth it. I just never really anticipated being so uncomfortable. I actually never thought about anything past the illusive 2 pink lines. At first the pregnancy symptoms were so exciting and I welcomed any body changes, now the idea of having my body back is sublime.
I am disappointed in myself and here is a list of the ways I feel like I have failed at pregnancy so far:
1. I went off work early at just 31 weeks *there seem to be so many other bloggers expecting twins who worked much longer than I made it
2. I have gained way too much weight *50+ pounds and counting (13 pounds in 10 days during the preeclampsia scare)
3. I have gestational diabetes and am unable to control it with diet
4. I am on bed rest after being hospitalised for preeclampsia *turned out to be cholestasis
5. I am useless *unable to cook, clean or get things ready for the babies
6. I am disgusting to look at *my legs look like what Cathy Bates did to the author in the movie "misery", I itch like an insane person, my personal hygiene is lacking, and I don't fit into ANY pants so I am constantly in moo moos
7. At times I wished the babies would be here already *this made me feel incredibly guilty less than 2 weeks ago when they told me at the hospital to get ready to have the babies within 48 hours and I was picturing my boys in the NICU
Please don't judge me for my feelings, I know I sound so ungrateful! I don't want to be this person. I hope this doesn't indicate what kind of mother I will be. I want to be stronger and positive. I hope my babies know how much I want them.
In the meantime I have been reading and following everyones journeys and I am sorry if I haven't commented or given the support you all need and deserve.

Two Boys!!!!

We had our 19 week ultra sound and I found out that my house will now be filled with sports. I will officially be out-numbered. Couldn't be happier!!!

Donor Eggs Rule!!!!

I am over the moon with excitement!!!! My blogging friend and fellow egg donor recipient Tippy (Kathleen) just got her BFP and she deserves it so much!!! She has supported me through my ups and downs and is an amazing woman! I have been waiting and watching all week and her dreams have finally come true. Thank god because I would have been very angry at the world if it didn't work out for her. Actually she might have a baseball team of children one day because she still has 6 frosties waiting for her. How life can change in only a few minutes!!! I know it is cliche but seriously you have to hold onto hope and pursue every option open to you. No it isn't easy, it definitely doesn't happen the way you dream, but it can happen and it might be happening to Tippy and I. I say might because I am still damaged from my years in the trenches and until I am holding my babies I won't be overly confident. My point is we are no longer hopeless.
I know this is a terrible thing to read for anyone still in the trenches but in my opinion Tippy and I were hopeles less than a year ago (Sorry Tippy but seriously we were in a sad state). We are both mature (Again Tippy not the nicest thing to say but hey, you are younger than me) and have useless eggs. Look at us now, we are both knocked up and hopeful that one day we will bring home a baby or two (or 7 in Tippy's case). I know I could be cursing myself but I am just so happy to have any hope.
Anyways, a big congrats to Tippy and I hope our babies might meet one day. I would love for you to go and congratulate Tippy yourselves but I am pretty sure she went private. Although you could give it a try at tippyandtidy.blogspot.com

Shocking and Sad News

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out thinking of the pain one of my fellow blogger friends is going through. She has lost her beautiful twins at 20 weeks gestation. It just isn't fair. She has been so supportive to me in all of the ups and downs of my IVF journey and she deserves all the love and support we can give her. It is so unfair that we jump through all of the hoops of IVF and infertility and finally get pregnant and then we still have to face these heartbreaking loses. Please, please lend her some support at alissa-schillinger.blogspot.com

Eating my words and everything else in sight

Well my last post seems a little ironic because I am definitely showing now. I have the bump that I have always dreamed of and it still seems surreal. I am also happy to report that my morning/afternoon/evening sickness has disappeared. It was rough for a couple of weeks but I have lived to tell. At my lowest point I peed my pants because of the intensity of my vomiting one morning. The only thing I can even remotely complain about is the fact that I am still spotting once in a very blue moon. It is really light and very sporadic but it does happen and it scares me. I think I am just going to be one of those people that doesn't believe the pregnancy is actually happening until I am holding my babies.