Cysts versus Eggs

What a disaster my clinic is. Maybe I am being too demanding but seriously it is hard to believe that "skilled" ultra sound techs can't figure out the difference between cysts and eggs. Every time I go in they change the report. It ranges from them recording me as having anywhere from 2-6 cysts. Seriously, they have no idea how many eggs I have because they don't know if they are cysts or eggs. I assume they are cysts because last time they were so off on my egg count.
At today's appointment they said my cyst (that yesterday they told me was an egg) has grown to 2.0. When I pointed out that they had thought it was an egg yesterday the nurse didn't know how to explain. She said it will only become clear when they got bigger. This confuses me because the eggs aren't supposed to get bigger than 2.0 before retrieval. Anways, they are now counting 3 eggs and possibly a fourth that could also be a cyst. I guess I will take the extra egg if it is in fact an egg.
Thanks for the input on my last post. They won't nicrease my doses for a couple of reasons: 1. The meds make my cysts grow 2. I am already double the doses from last IVF and they worry about over stimulating 3. I have only be injecting for 4 days so I have another week to go.
I am doing an antagonist cycle (whatever that means) so egg counts are supposed to be different(lower to start) and apparently they say I should see more any day now ( I will believe it when I see it).
Thanks for the support!!!

2 freakin eggs

Ugh!!!! I only have 2 eggs!!! This is so frustrating and I am sick of this bull shit. I hate the smugness on the nurse's face (I know it's not her fault). I wish she would be honest and say that it sucks. I hate the fake bullshit trying to make me feel better. She tried to say it is only day 6 and that there "could" be more before the retrieval. This time I will not go through with the retrieval unless we are showing more eggs because it is a waste of money and too damn depressing. They will not sway me with their false optimism!!!
This SUCKS!!!!

Going through the motions

I don't know what it is but this cycle feels different. I haven't Dr. Googled anything and I don't even know the names of some of the drugs I am injecting. I don't know if it is because I am still in denial that I am going through this again or if it is because this is such a short and unexpected cycle. Maybe I haven't had time to process things. I started my injections today (one down 2 to go) and it felt more annoying than last time. I think last time I was so excited to get the process going that I was looking forward to injecting (not the physical act but the signifigance of the injections). Now I can't help but say to myself, is this doing anything! I know, I should be positivie if I want positive results but hell that didn't work last time. I am not doing accupuncture this time and I am not taking all of the vitamin suppliments. Plus have a terrible cold (maybe that is why this is such a negative post) and I feel like shit. The one thing I am going to do though is take more days off from school this time. Last time I felt that I had to get back in the classroom as soon as possible. Now I feel like I am just going to take whatever time I need. The admin at my school knows I am doing IVF and they seem to be supportive so why not.
I have my ultra sound appointment on Sunday to see if my ovaries actually respond this time!!! I am hoping to have enough eggs to supply the easter bunny!
Oh yeah and the worst news about the cycle is that I have 5 cycts. This actually makes me nervous because they were thinking of cancelling the cycle because of them. I just hope they didn't let it go forward because they wanted the $$$. Does anyone know how multiple cycsts influence IVF? The nurse told me that it should be okay as long as my estrogen levels are stable. I hate the "it should be okay"!!! I wanted her to say something more along the lines of "it will not influence your IVF at all".
I hope you are all doing well with your pregnancies, and in your journey to conceive. I have not been able to bring myself to follow pregnancy posts but I truly from the bottom of my heart wish you all the best!

Are we really doing this again???

Well we were going to wait until after our cruise but I had a drs appointment today and because we are doing a shorter antagonist cycle we can squeeze it in before we go. I know hubby was thinking we could wait and do the cycle when we were relaxed after our vacation but I can't wait. Mostly because I loved being able to get away when things didn't work out last time. It was great to having something else to look forward to instead of wallowing in self pity. I know that it is a bit pessimistic to be making plans for another failed attempt but I like to think of myself as a realist. Honestly, I am probably cursing myself but I truly believe my eggs are stale (hence my blog title) and I don't want to let myself to be shattered if this cycle doesn't work. Plus my sister isn't getting any younger so if I want to use her eggs we have to get moving.
By the way my parents seemed to have taken their offer of paying for this round off of the table. To make a long story short, they give us money for a trip to visit them every year and we declined this year (we are driving instead of flying) so they said to take the money ($1000) and put it towards our IVF or whatever we want to do with it. There was no mention of paying for the rest of the round and I would HATE to initiate the conversation. Any suggestions????

I got knocked down but I get back up again

Well, I have really been enjoying not ttc for the last month and to be honest I am not ready to get right back into it. We were going to start another IVF cycle after my next period but decided to book a cruise instead....haha. I figure what better way to "relax" then to go on a vacation. I have some guilt because we just got back from California and we will be paying out of pocket for our next round of IVF but I guess not bad enough. We got a great deal on a one week cruise ($1000 for both of us) and we can even squeeze in a visit with my parents (the cruise is out of Miami and my parents life in Naples for the winter)
Today, I had my WTF appointment and nothing earth shattering was revealed. They said the next cycle would be a shorter, more intense cycle. The one thing that really bothered me was when hubby said that we were interested in pursuing another cycle in the next couple of months, the doctor laughed under his breath and said atleast another. Uh...not really liking the idea of many more cycles and the casual way that he was snickering about it.....just saying.
Anyways, just wondering if anybody has any input on Antagonist versus microflare cycles for someone of my "advanced" age and with stage 4 endo???
I hope everyone is having a great new year!

San Franscico

Having fun, but it is freezing here. Just got an email from a really good friend (bridesmaid in my wedding). She is 7 weeks pregnant. I locked myself in the hotel bathroom and cried because I don't want hubby to know how weak I am. I feel like a big failure! It was nice of her to send me the warning email but it still feels weird that I am so pathetic that I need a warning email. Trying to stop thinking about my barren uterus. I have done such a great job avoiding these thoughts on this vacation so far. WHY DID I CHECK MY EMAIL!!!!!
I pathetically thought I was spotting yesterday, thoughts of implantation bleeding danced through my head. As if I would get pregnant during a non medicated cycle....haha. I am a nut case!

Having Fun

Well our trip is going well and as to be expected it has had some ups and downs. The major down in the weather. What happened to sunny California? We always seem to take trips when news breaking weather occurs. We have experienced lots of road closures due to flooding and landslides. My heart goes out to all of the people who have damaged homes and buisnesses due to the high volume of rain. Today is the first sunny day we have had all week and it is about time. We are in Vegas and I love this city. Tonight we are going to see the cirq show "love" and we are hitting a prime rib/seafood buffet. I am just in our hotel taking a nap while hubby stakes out the hot black jack tables for tonight.
I am not sure where my fertility journey is going to take me but I feel like my quest to get pregnant is pushed to the back of my head for the first time in 3 years. The only thing that seems to pop into my head occasionally is a fear that there is something wrong with my uterus. I continue to have pain in my cervix and I just hate the idea that we had two "perfect" embryos and they didn't manage to stick. Maybe that is my problem. What is my uterus just can't hold on to an embryo.
Anyways, Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas! Hopefully I will have renewed strength and the ability to continue on the rollercoaster of infertility.