In the Airport

We are in the airport waiting for our 6pm flight. It is freezing but we will be out of here in less than an hour. I am surrounded by happy families and a lot of new born infants. Trying to put a smile on my face!!!!
On a happy note Ashley from Calmly Chaotic got a positive Beta today and it is her birthday. Please drop by her blog and congratulate her!

Why do I have to keep taking progesterone

I am having the heaviest period of my life so why on earth would I have to keep taking the progesterone until Friday. Please tell me that you ladies would stop too because it seems ridiculous. Give me some dignity and let me move on in this process!

I have my period

Full on Red Blood. No questions to be asked it is full flow and full red blood!
I am devestated!

Talked to my RE (fertility clinic)

So I have nothing really to report. She said it could either be my period or left over implantation bleeding....um no kidding! She said that my "low grade" fever is nothing to worry about unless it gets worse. That the cramps sound like it could in fact be my period but they wouldn't know until Monday. She kept calling my bleeding spotting, which annoyed me because it is so heavy. I am now going to go back to anal supposits in an attempt to stop aggrevating my cervix....good times. My only instructions were that I was to call if the blood becomes red. I am sad to report the the colour of the blood is changing and it is getting darker and seems to be getting more of a red tinge. For the love of god let this be over.

Thanks Ladies

Hi Ladies,
I appreciate the support and I am definitely going to call my fertility clinic today. I was up all night with the worst pains yet. I am now starting to worry something is seriously wrong (like an ectopic). I fully expected to have gushing red blood when I checked my undies this morning but nothing. This is the strangest thing. I just don't know what my body is doing. I am now in class while my kids are busy writing an exam and I am dying to go to the bathroom to check out the situation down there. The cramps are continuing and I find it very hard to think that some serious bleeding hasn't started. I am so tempted to down a bottle of A*LEVE but I am holding myself back. I guess I am still holding out the slightest bit of chance that something positive is going on inside me, although I think that is a pipe dream. I am actually more worried about my sanity and health than a pregnancy.
On a positive note Hubby and I are closer than ever. He is finally fully invested in this and it is taking a toll on him too. He has been physically and emotionally comforting me like never before. He is devasted by the events of the past week and we have been snuggling up together every chance we get. We keep joking that California is going to be our second honeymoon. Let's just say I haven't been in "the mood" lately and it will be great to reconnect and just let the events of the past 6 weeks go. I am starting to wonder if Napa Valley has enough wine because we are going to do some serious damage!
As far as the comments from the family, I know that they were 100% from a place of love and concern. No harm was meant and actually I don't think their comments are what made me cry. I am a nervous wreck and I am crying all day everyday anyways. The strangest thing is that the only thing that made me feel any better at the family functions was being able to hang out with my neices and nephews. Go Figure
Thanks for all your support. Where would I be without my blogging sisters?????

Higher Flow (warning TMI)

So the amount of blood keeps getting heavier and heavier. I wouldn't call it a full period but it sure isn't "spotting". The Blood is also changing colour. It has gone from a milky lightish brown colour to a much darker brown. If you look very closely (which I have!) there is a tinge of red at times and some pink at other times. Plus, I now have a fever and am dizzy. I have no control over my emotions and I have been a disaster for the past two days. I cry at the drop of a dime and I don't care who is around. At both family Christmas parties I have managed to make a complete ass of myself, while making everyone around me completely uncomfortable! By the way, my crying isn't a pretty cry. It is a sobbing, snotty nosed, gasping for air kind of cry. Plus my cramps are out of control. Seriously worse then I have ever had. It feels like someone is taking nails and shards of glass and attacking my uterus. I always have brutal periods (especially the first full day of bleeding) but I am usually medicated and I know that it will last one maybe two days and then it will pass. With this it has been 3 full days of cramping and bleeding with no cease on the pain. I am so tempted to stop the progesterone just to bring my full period on so that I can get it over with. It seems like I am just making a shitty situation that much worse by holding my full period off and then having it as soon as we get to California Friday night! Of course I will be a good little patient and keep taking the annoying progesterone but I tell you I will be cursing the entire time I insert those G.D. things.
Just a quick note about some of the funny comments people said to me this weekend. G sent an email to his family expaining that we had just done IVF in an attempt to avoid any questions. Of course it had the opposite impact and just made people feel free to comment and ask questions. Some of the highlights were when G's stepmom came running up to me and congratulated me.....um seriously did she not understand the email...by no means did we say we were pregnant. Then my sister in law kindly informed me that adoption was an option. This came out of her mouth after she had just told me to consider freezing my eggs (weirdest comment of the night especially because the email had mentioned that I didn't respond to the stimming and that I only made 2 eggs!). Of course we were told a number of time to relax and that we will get pregnant when we stop trying.
I am counting the minutes until we fly away!

Still Bleeding

Yes I am still bleeding. It isn't very much, it is brown but it is there. It is mixed with the white cream from the supposits but it is there for the world to see. These cramps are serious, they can't be implantation cramps because I am a girl with endo and I can handle cramps. These cramps are not messing around and they are telling me that my period is not going to be held off by some measily progesterone supposits. I am sad and I am in pain. My back is killing, my head is aching, my mouth is unbelievably dry and my uterus is laughing at me. This cycle has been doomed from the beginning! I have mixed emotions. On one hand I wish I was still in the game and on the other hand I guess this is better than dragging it on and on. On a seperate note my cervix is enraged. Has anyone ever felt their cervix when they were just sitting down. Seriously who thought that was possible. I am having an alergic reaction to the progesterone. It isn't strong enough to hold off my period but it is irratating the heck out of my cervix. I appreciate people saying there is still a chance but let's get serious for a second. If this is implantation bleeding then our embryos must be the size of an elephant.