Saturday, December 11, 2010
Update: I have my period
OMG, I hate my life. I have my period and I am only 6dpt transfer. It is dark brown blood but it isn't just a drop. When I wipe the toilet paper has brown blood all over it it. This sucks!!!! Goodbye holiday cheer!
Freakin Out
I know I am getting my period. I am obviously not going to start my full flow but yesterday I wiped and there was a tiny spot of pink, then today there was the littlist bit of brown blood. I have my period symptoms still, except no sore boobs. I am so upset that I could cry. I know it isn't implantation bleeding because it is way too late. Yesterday I was 5dp 3dt and today I am 6dp3dt. Please tell me that someone else had these symptoms and they still had there BFP.
Okay, on a sane note I am loving the Christmas season. My parents are home from Florida and we all went to my nephews hockey game and then to dinner last night. I think because of this process I am starting to have a new appreciation for my family. Yes my mom is overbearing, my sister is a bit super fertile(may come in handy...haha), my dad is kind of clueless, but I love them so much. They care about G and I like noone else and I couldn't love my neices and nephew more if they were my own. I even braved Toys* R*U*S and B*bies R *S twice this week to get them present for Christmas. It was so much fun looking at toys and spoiling them rotten. I went way overboard, I can do that because I am the "cool" aunt.
We are celebrating Christmas this weekend with our families because next weekend we will be on a plane to California!
Tonight is dinner at G's brother's house. We will be seeing both of his brothers, their wives and G's dad and his wife. They are all really nice (although very different from my family) and I never worry that they will say the wrong thing. They know I am infertile and never bring the subject up. They aren't a family who talk about kids a lot anyway. One of G's brothers has a son and he is the spitting image of G and his brother. For some reason it doesn't make me sad I just think he is cute and enjoy my time with him. Probably because he was born before we were trying to conceive. I have a bit of guilt that we don't see him more because I see my sister's kids all of the time. Anyways G's other brother and his wife (actually older than us) don't have kids. We have never talked about it but G seems to think they just chose not to have kids. They don't come across as "kid people" and are very career oriented (they are a high power realestate couple in their early 40s).
Sunday is dinner at my parent's house and it is usually just like every Sunday dinner with the family (when my parent's are in Toronto we go their every Sunday for dinner). My cousins come and until last year my uncle (dad's brother). My uncle was found dead in his apartment this year and it was a shock to say the least. One of my cousins is fresh out of law school and is doing the noble thing working for the government defending down and out people who can't afford lawyers. The other just got back from fighting in Iraq. We are constantly trying to get him to stay home (sorry for my friends who have husbands who are soldiers,we are selfish and just want him home safe and sound). They are great people and I am so sorry they lost their father. My uncle had some mental health issues and I know they did not necessarily have the father they deserved. Don't get me wrong my uncle was a wonderful man with lots of love in his heart, he just had a hard time with life. His personality was very similar to my dad's except for the mental health stuff. I have always been the black sheep and have always related to my uncle. He made me laugh and always seemed genuinly interested in my life. He never judged me and even when my parents couldn't relate to me, he did. Anyways, on a lighter note I have nothing to wear. I think the most evil thing about IVF is that you actually start looking preggo. The progesterone makes you retain so much in your utureus that I can't zip any of my pants. It is actually embarassing because I look like I am about 2 month preggo and I keep catching people checking my belly out. I am glad both sides of our family know that we are doing IVF because there is no chance that anyone will mistake me for being preggo.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and a Happy Holiday! Please keep your fingers crossed for us that we get our BFP.
By the way has anyone ever tested before their Beta? I thought about testing the night before because I would rather have a heads up before I go into the clinic.
Okay, on a sane note I am loving the Christmas season. My parents are home from Florida and we all went to my nephews hockey game and then to dinner last night. I think because of this process I am starting to have a new appreciation for my family. Yes my mom is overbearing, my sister is a bit super fertile(may come in handy...haha), my dad is kind of clueless, but I love them so much. They care about G and I like noone else and I couldn't love my neices and nephew more if they were my own. I even braved Toys* R*U*S and B*bies R *S twice this week to get them present for Christmas. It was so much fun looking at toys and spoiling them rotten. I went way overboard, I can do that because I am the "cool" aunt.
We are celebrating Christmas this weekend with our families because next weekend we will be on a plane to California!
Tonight is dinner at G's brother's house. We will be seeing both of his brothers, their wives and G's dad and his wife. They are all really nice (although very different from my family) and I never worry that they will say the wrong thing. They know I am infertile and never bring the subject up. They aren't a family who talk about kids a lot anyway. One of G's brothers has a son and he is the spitting image of G and his brother. For some reason it doesn't make me sad I just think he is cute and enjoy my time with him. Probably because he was born before we were trying to conceive. I have a bit of guilt that we don't see him more because I see my sister's kids all of the time. Anyways G's other brother and his wife (actually older than us) don't have kids. We have never talked about it but G seems to think they just chose not to have kids. They don't come across as "kid people" and are very career oriented (they are a high power realestate couple in their early 40s).
Sunday is dinner at my parent's house and it is usually just like every Sunday dinner with the family (when my parent's are in Toronto we go their every Sunday for dinner). My cousins come and until last year my uncle (dad's brother). My uncle was found dead in his apartment this year and it was a shock to say the least. One of my cousins is fresh out of law school and is doing the noble thing working for the government defending down and out people who can't afford lawyers. The other just got back from fighting in Iraq. We are constantly trying to get him to stay home (sorry for my friends who have husbands who are soldiers,we are selfish and just want him home safe and sound). They are great people and I am so sorry they lost their father. My uncle had some mental health issues and I know they did not necessarily have the father they deserved. Don't get me wrong my uncle was a wonderful man with lots of love in his heart, he just had a hard time with life. His personality was very similar to my dad's except for the mental health stuff. I have always been the black sheep and have always related to my uncle. He made me laugh and always seemed genuinly interested in my life. He never judged me and even when my parents couldn't relate to me, he did. Anyways, on a lighter note I have nothing to wear. I think the most evil thing about IVF is that you actually start looking preggo. The progesterone makes you retain so much in your utureus that I can't zip any of my pants. It is actually embarassing because I look like I am about 2 month preggo and I keep catching people checking my belly out. I am glad both sides of our family know that we are doing IVF because there is no chance that anyone will mistake me for being preggo.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and a Happy Holiday! Please keep your fingers crossed for us that we get our BFP.
By the way has anyone ever tested before their Beta? I thought about testing the night before because I would rather have a heads up before I go into the clinic.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I am actually sane today......for now!
So I am having a good day with very little running through my head. I definitely don't "feel" pregnant but whatever. Many other months when I was blissfully unaware of my infertility I thought for sure I was preggo because I was dizzy or had sore boobs, and you know how that turned out. My cramps are gone today, just a few twinges in my ovaries but that's my everyday reality with endo. I am starting to think those cramps last night were psychosomatic. I clearly work myself up and I need to stop!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
PMS???
Um, is it possible to have P.M.S. when doing IVF? Okay I know you are going to say that it could be implantation cramps but seriously I am feeling just like I do a week before my period. I have back pain, my head is killing, my ovaries are on fire and I have been visiting the bathroom a lot (if you know what I mean). Maybe it is just my endo flaring up but if I wasn't doing IVF I would know for sure that aunt flo was on her way.
Anyways, I am busy reading a great book and relaxing by the fire place. I was letting myself be distracted so I knew if I typed this out I could clear my mind and get back to Maeve Binchy.
Anyways, I am busy reading a great book and relaxing by the fire place. I was letting myself be distracted so I knew if I typed this out I could clear my mind and get back to Maeve Binchy.
Mixed Emotions
So I continue to be crazy but I think a little less every day. Although I joked about having a cervical/uterine infection it is still on my mind. Other than that I am trying to stay busy at school and get ready for Christmas. Did I mention G and I are going to California for the entire break. I am really excited and I think it is the perfect plan. I will have my Beta on the Friday morning and then drive to Buffalo for our flight. So no matter what our results are we will have time to digest it together without the pressure of friends and family. We are flying in to San Diego and then out of San Franciso and in between we are going to spend Christmas in Vegas. The trip planning is helping to distract me! Plus next week my students have exams for the first time in their acadmemic life. We have been busy organizing study groups and reviewing all of the course material.
I have been having pains in my ovaries. I am sure it is my endometriosis but it is a bit unsettling.
Oh yeah, one last question. How long after an embryo transfer would a period show up if IVF is not successful??
HURRY UP 2WW!!!!
I have been having pains in my ovaries. I am sure it is my endometriosis but it is a bit unsettling.
Oh yeah, one last question. How long after an embryo transfer would a period show up if IVF is not successful??
HURRY UP 2WW!!!!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Insane
Today I had outside recess duty and I was sure my embies were going to turn into popsicles!!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
The ridiculousness continues
Why am I so crazy.......okay don't answer that.....haha. Last night I don't think I slept for even a second. If I slept my regular way on my tummy I thought I was squishing the embies, then when I rolled on my side I figured they were going into my tubes, finally I ended up on my back which there is no way that I was going to sleep that way. I just can't "relax"! I thought being at school would allow me to stop thinking about the embies but I just kept running different scenarios through my head. I need a freakin hobby. Actually I had a go at online poker to get my mind off things but I was too busy googling a million different IVF searches that it just wasn't fun. I also started a new book that is great but I keep finding myself daydreaming.
For those of you who have done IVF before please tell me that this obsessing stops!!!! I am now convinced that my bleeding cervix is a sign of an infection that has spread to my uterus.
For those of you who have done IVF before please tell me that this obsessing stops!!!! I am now convinced that my bleeding cervix is a sign of an infection that has spread to my uterus.
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