Nursery

When I was pregnant I found it very uncomfortable.  I felt very guilty because I had dreamed of being pregnant for so many years that it didn't feel right to complain.  I wanted so badly to love it but it was a huge physical challenge for me.  Anyways because of this I didn't post as much as I would have liked to have during my pregnancy.  I was worried I would come across as whiny and ungrateful.  So now I am trying to catch up on some of the events and feelings that I experienced through my pregnancy because I have had some time to reflect.
I never really went through the nesting phase in my pregnancy. I was so exhausted that I think I would have been okay with any nursery as long as I didn't have to do it. Don't get me wrong I wanted the best for my babies but I couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs let alone travel to a paint store and hunt out items to decorate. Luckily hubby took over and with some input from me he did a great job decorating the boys room. His theme was transportation with the instructions that he wasn't allowed to use anything cartoon like.
So one day when I got home from work G surprised me by decorating the nursery.  At first I was a bit shocked and even upset because I didn't even choose the paint colour (color for the Americans) but quickly it became such a big relief.  I was so touched because hubby HATES to shop and decorating isn't really his thing.  He even braved the dreaded baby store to purchase aquariums and a diaper genie.  Things that he didn't know anything about until he went alone to the baby store.  To be honest we have a very modest home with limited space. The babies nursery actually used to be our bedroom and hubby not only decorated the twins room but he also set up our new room in the basement. We decided to leave the other bedroom on our main floor for visitors and so he had to convert or basement into two separate living spaces.  For a guy with little decorating skills he did an amazing job.  I will post picture of our new room when I get a chance (G is sleeping down there now). Anyways,  these are pictures  from just two angels of the room ( I wish I had staightened things out a bit more). We took these to show our parents so don't even have the show items up (bumpers and bedding). By the way, why do people even buy bedding when we aren't allowed to use the bumpers or quilt for safety reasons. Anways, the babies are sleeping in their cribs so I can't take any pictures of the other two walls or the corner where the glider is.   One day I will post a picture of their closet and you will be shocked by how much stuff they have.  We are so lucky to have two very close friends that had baby boys 5 months ahead of us.  They have passed on everything to us and we will be forever grateful.

The elephant in the hospital room

So, I am a talker by nature. It is usually a form of nervous talk where I apologize for most things and tell people all of my personal information, whether they want to hear it or not.  I am sure I shock people with my openess and it isn't alway necessary. Actually,  I am from a family of talkers and none of us know when to stop and when to keep stuff to ourselves.  I have always thought that because I am a tad bit insecure that I announce all of my perceived short comings just to get them out there.  I just don't have a filter and the only way I feel accepted is to tell people everything.  I am not good at putting up a facade and generally when I am uncomfortable, I don't like something, or I have an opinion, you are going to know it.  Usually  I have some tact while doing so but I just have to get it out.
So when we decided to do the egg donor thing with my sister needless to say I was very open about it.  Hubby on the other hand had a more subtle need to know approach.  I wish I could be more like him but it just isn't in my nature.  So yes I told people about the egg donor process. Actually lots of people, okay  most people.  People at work, people in our personal life and even strangers.  I am not sure why but I guess I felt I had to.  Anyways throughout the process everyone I told was positive and always complimentary about my relationship with my sister and her genorisity.  I would agree that she is an incredible person and that would be that.  Sometimes I wondered if they pitied me or felt like my pregnancy was less than theirs but I was pregnant with two miracle babies so I didn't really give a shit what they thought.  My sister had basically the same experience, although a few of her very closest friends told her ( maybe I should saywarned her) that it was going to be a huge process not to be taken lightly.  Although on one hand my sister has always said it was a no brainer decision to step up and make my dreams of being a mother come true she isn't stupid enough to make the decision without thinking it through.  Anyways, those were the only remotely "negative" comments either of us experienced.  Until................the hospital.  So like I said I am far too open about things that sometimes should be left personal .  Anyways when we were in the hospital for the birth of our baby boys we experienced some shockingly offensive comments. Thank goodness that nothing could cheapen the miracle of their birth for me and I just didn't care about anyone elses input about our situation.  Anyways, so after I had delivered my beautiful baby boys and they were admitted to the NICU for eating issues I was visited by an array of nurses.  Most of whom were incredible.  They were kind and attentive and asked me all the right questions about my boys.  I was open about our struggle to conceive and even mentioned that incredible gift my sister had given to us.  What I was not prepared for was the way one nurse decided to interpret the situation.  On the day the boys were born my sister was literally waiting in the next room waiting to meet them after my c-section. We wanted her to be the first person other than us to see them (which in my opinon was perfect).  So after I was sewn up and back in my room G decided to take my sister to the NICU to meet the babies. Before they left the nurse on duty came into my room and I introduced her to my sister.  She immediately asked if she was "The Aunty Mommy".  I thought to myself that I must be hullicinating and my jaw dropped to the ground.  We were all shocked and individually decided not to address what she had said.  A few minutes later G took my sister to meet the babies and as they were passing the nursing station the nurse said it again "enjoy meeting your babies, Aunty Mommy".  At this point  my sister turned to her and told her that she was mistaken and that in fact she was just the aunt and not the mother.  She also made a joke that we had paid a lot of money in legal fees to make sure she wasn't the mommy.  The other nurses overheard what she had said to us and told her it was completely inappropriate.  She came and apologized and told us she thought it was a wonderful situation and she didn't mean to offend us.  I was willing to get over it and told her it was fine.  Then the next day when my sister's kids came to visit she did the unthinkable.  She actually  asked  if they were there to meet their brothers.  Not only did this confuse the kids but aI was disgusted. In the end chalked it up to ignorance and decided not to waste too much time and energy on it. .  I guess people don't know what to say or how to act. I have decided that this might be the one situation that I shouldn't feel the need to tell everyone. I honestly think people can't handle it and don't know how to act or react.

Slow Down!!!

Please someone slow the clocks down.  Things are still moving way too fast!!! I love these boys and want to enjoy every minute.  Okay, life isn't perfect, we don't sleep, and Hubby is working like crazy but I wouldn't change anything for the world.  We were meant to be a family and it was worth everything.  The only negative thoughts I have is that I will never have a baby again.  I know I am being greedy and the reality is another child would be too expensive and a ton of work but who lives in reality.....haha.  Seriously, I am just happy with these miracles and so happy that we got to have twins.
Fynn has surpassed his younger formerly bigger brother in weight. On Friday we had our three month appointment and Fynn weighed 11.7 pounds and Hudson is 11.4.  They aren't sleeping through the night but we have had a couple of 6 hour stretches.  Luckily they feed quickly at night and go right back to bed.  For the most part they are super happy babies but we do have what we refer to as "THE WITCHING HOUR".  It actually lasts closer to 2 hours and consists of the boys being fussy and having a hard time knowing what they want.  We try feeding them, changing them, rocking them and none of the tricks work. It's not that they are screaming or crying the entire time but they just aren't happy boys.  Eventually they just tire themselves out but it sure keeps us on our toes.  I wish I knew the trick to settle them during this time but I am sure it will work itself out. 

Crying

Today is Mother`s Day and I am crying this year again but for very different reasons .  The tears won`t stop and I am sure Hudson and Fynn are looking at me like I am a crazy person.  Like any infertile, Mother`s Day was always a hard one for me but you would expect that this Mother`s Day I would be all smiles.  Trust me the tears are of pure joy and gratitude.  I am the luckiest Mother in the world!!!! I feel so overwhelmed with happiness that I just can`t stop the tears from pouring out. I am thinking of everyone of you still in the trenches and wishing and hoping for your babies to come soon!  I believe there is a baby for everyone so I hope the road that leads you to your baby appears for you all soon.  Sorry to be so sappy but I am emotional. 
Happy Mother`s Day to everyone; Practicing Mothers,  Mothers to be, hopeful Mothers, and Mother`s to children they have lost. 
but most of all HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY TO MY SISTER, thanks for helping make me become a mother.

Growing!

The Boys are growing way too fast.  I am loving every second with them and wishing I could press pause. I want to enjoy every diaper, tear and smile.  I love being a mom and it makes all of those difficult years worth it.  Thank god for my sister, science and an open minded husband.  I feel so lucky to be me right now.  I hope everyone else out there gets there BFP soon, you all deserve this.